This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, July 24, 2009

RAD boy

You asked what Bear did to get in trouble.

So far we’ve discovered that:

Bear’s lied about where he’s been for the past week and a half (or more). He’s missed at least 3 out of the 5 days of Summer school so far and we have no idea where he really was (he's admitted to wandering the school when he was unable to get off the bus without getting caught, working out at the rec center, and spending time with his girlfriend).

His girlfriend and friends have lied to us about where he was.

He’s started using tobacco again. Although he swears it's not his.

He’s hoarding food again. Wouldn't bug me so much if he didn't keep every single dish in his room (full of rotten rinds and things), leaving the rest of the family with no dishes. Plus according to the amount of candy wrappers I found he must be so high on sugar it's no wonder he can't sleep.

He is not regularly taking his sleeping medications, and probably not taking others. He admitted that when he doesn't think he needs them he just doesn't take his sleeping meds. Of course he firmly believes that it's normal to only sleep 4-5 hours a night. It's "my fault" he doesn't take his mid-day meds, because I forget to fill his box (mid-days are the one type of meds we let the kids take with minimal supervision - someday he's going to have to remember to take meds on his own.

He’s stealing electronic equipment from elsewhere in the house and using it to watch and listen to movies and music that are inappropriate. Not sure where all the CDs and DVDs are coming from. His little brother is happy to have his MP3 back.

He’s staying up till all hours. I’ve found evidence that he probably has a trac phone again so he’s most likely back in contact with bioparents, and texting until all hours of the night. This could explain some of the recent behaviors.

FYI, he never confessed to anything and denied most of it. The rest was OUR fault. This is not everything, just the stuff I can prove.

Right now he is defensive and angry. He's mad that he's in trouble and therefore mad at us/me.

After an hour long diatribe about how fast our heads are going to spin when he turns 18 and blows this popsicle stand, and how we're crazy if we think we can keep him locked inside all the time. (I pointed out that between school and swimming, he'd been out of the house most of the day, and I wasn't keeping him from going out, just not without supervision).

I told him he'd only been grounded for 2 days so far, and he knew this was coming. There was no way he wasn't going to get caught. He grumped, loudly, for about an hour - then Hubby came home and he shut down.

Within an hour he was watching the movie he'd chosen (so much for hating TV), I had doctored his hand from where a kid at school had somehow managed to get pencil lead stuck in it, let him talk to his Nebraska Grandma on the phone, talked to him about college and possibly being a police officer, he got to choose what we were having for dinner, and I gave him a haircut (his request).

But we're horrible parents who love the other kids more than him and want him to be miserable.

So which is the real story? He's miserable and we don't care about him or he's totally fine?! *sigh*


Anonymous said...

Wow does he ever sound like a teen aged.... GIRL!!! All that whining and blaming others? Those are roller-coaster estrogen traits. Have fun with that, Mary.

Miz Kizzle said...

Ouch! That's serious. And you're a first-rate detective to figure all that out. I hope he settles down soon.
Do you think he has a chance a getting a job in law enforcement?

ldw said...

awww, Mary, I have no answers...just know I am right there with you, with every stolen article you find and every lie you are told...I am walking the same path. Lucky us...