This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

SAHM vs working

I've worked full-time. Changed careers half a dozen times or more. Been a SAHM, been a WAHM. When my son was 2 I went back to work part-time. When my husband lost his job, I went back to work full-time. I hated my job, but couldn't break out of the industry.

Then we adopted. Within 6 months my son had been kicked out of school and suspended repeatedly. My biodaughter had been to the ER for tachicardia repeatedly. I asked to switch to part-time and my job said no so I quit. 6 months as a SAHM. (Eventually surgery for Bob that fixed the problem permanently. Yea!!).

My husband and I bought a company. I was going to run it and only have to be there 3/4 time. Then Hubby quit his job and since we drove in together I was stuck at work for 8 hours with very little to do, and my depression/bipolar disorder raging. Hubby got frustrated that I blogged and played Spider Solitaire all day.

This Summer Kitty fell apart, and I became a SAHM again. She went to residential treatment and I went back to work. Two weeks later she's out again (Did I mention I hate insurance), but school has started so I come home when she gets out of school.

And that's where we are. Our company is walking the line of bankruptcy, our daughter (and son) are a mess. My husband wants me to make cold calls to try to get some business for our company, and I'm resisting. It's driving a wedge in our marriage. Both our adopted children are struggling.

Less than 3 years till the oldest graduates high school. 5 years and the girls graduate. Hubby doesn't want to consider more kids until the adopted kids graduate. I'm afraid I'll be too old, but the kids we have are sucking the life out of me as it is.

I just want kids who give something back. Is that too much to ask? Bob is 13 so I can't expect much from her. Ponito is the only one who fills my "love tank," but he's not enough.
I want to stay home. I want a job that I would be great at, that helps people. I want more people in my life who want to help instead of demand it from me all the time. I want to feel like I'm accomplishing something. I want to stop writing this post.


Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(13)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE foster care 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ODD, ADHD, learning disorders, cerebral dysrhythmia
Finalized on her brother Bear(16) 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.
RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ADD, cerebral dysrhythmia

" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Whoa, Mary! PMS much? Not to trivialize your feelings because they are certainly warranted more than anyone I could ever imagine, but when I feel super down on my life like you seem to be now it's exacerbated by PMS. If this is "that time of the month" a few days from now you'll feel better, (not all better, but some better.) If it's not PMS then your depression is rearing it's ugly head again. (((hug)))

Of course, I have no words of wisdom regarding your kids, the only thing I could suggest is that you work on your marriage because that relationship will be with you after the kids are gone. And Hubby can fill your love tank if you fill his first... and I didn't mean that to be so dirty, but maybe that's the way to go ;)