This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Bear FAIR Club Assignment

Here’s what I’m thinking about assigning Bear for a FAIR Club Assignment:

Read the Risky Behavior page and answer the questions on a second page.


Death wish, noun.

  • A desire for self-destruction, often accompanied by feelings of depression, hopelessness, and self-reproach.

A suicidal urge thought to drive certain people to put themselves consistently into dangerous situations.

Crime Statistics

  • In 1995, 32,130 males age 12 and older were victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.

  • Teens 16 to 19 were three and one-half times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.

  • About 44% of rape victims are under age 18

  • Murder (homicide), which is the tenth leading cause of death for males in the United States

  • Homicide with a firearm was the second leading cause of death of persons between the ages of 10 and 24.

  • Two thirds of all 1992 US murders were accomplished with firearms. Handguns were used in about half of all murders. Sharp instruments were used in 17% of murders and blunt instruments in about 6%.

  • Over 65% of murders are males killing males.

  • Nearly half of murderers were strangers to the victim.

  • Saturday was the most popular day-of-the-week to be murdered.

  • Murder rates are higher in the afternoon than in the morning, but are highest at night -- climbing steadily from 6 pm, peaking at 11 pm and declining thereafter.

You snuck out and no one knew where you were if something happened to you. Plus, they probably would not even start looking for you until the next day. You also lied to many people about where you were (to their face or by letting them believe something you know wasn’t true), damaging their trust. You were out on a Saturday night, in the dark, in the rain – one of the most dangerous times to be out, especially alone. You got in the car of a stranger.

1. Why do you think we, your parents, want you to be safe? (write 1 paragraph)
2. How do you think we, your parents, would feel if you got hurt or worse? (write 2 paragraphs)
3. Why do you engage in risky, self-destructive behavior? (write two paragraphs)
4. Do you think you will change this behavior? If yes, how (be very specific)? If no, why not? (be very specific) (write 2 paragraphs)
5. Read the Driving Expectations page. List all the expectations that you are having trouble with. 6. Why do you think we require these behaviors before you can drive? (Write at least 2 sentences per expectation)


Cherub Mamma said...

Sounds pretty good! Hopefully it will help Bear begin to see what might happen if he continues his risky behavior.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what Miz Kizzle said after your last blog post. He needs something to be pasionate about, but it seems like every time he gets a bee in his bonnet you swat it away.

Examples: ROTC- That was a structured, supervised after-school activity. I don't remember why, but you made him quit. Football- again, structured, supervised, team building, etc...
Dream of joining the military- you warned him that he's on too many meds for the service and his balloon burst again.

Joining a gang and selling drugs seem like viable options when you've got no other...

School is not for everyone. Nor is socializing in the real world. There are options, it's time to find some and get him interested real quick.

marythemom said...

I agree with Miz K too about him needing something to be passionate about, it's just hard to help him find something.

He tends to hyper focus in on things that will not work, and we try to gently lead him toward something new if we know what he's currently focused on won't work - without telling him no until we find an alternative, but it's so hard, because there is not a lot he's good at. We avoided telling him about the military until we realized we just couldn't get him to try anything else, and he's running out of time to find something new.

ROTC - the PE team component we made him drop because he was manipulating it to get unsupervised time - and at the time we were dealing with drugs, sex, stealing and skipping school. He dropped out of the ROTC program when he realized he couldn't be in the military. Football he quit (dramatically) because he made second string and couldn't accept that he wasn't really a "natural athlete."

Actually joining a gang and selling drugs were his choices when we first got him, but he's doing a lot better now, and doesn't talk about those as options anymore.