This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I text now!

With my old phone, I would occasionally text when forced to, but it was a pain. I had to push the number 3 three times to get the letter F... you know, it took forever. Still I'd discovered it was fun to torture my "captive audience," by sending them love texts - telling them how much I love them. As teens (and a tween) they ignore me of course.

For Christmas I got a new phone with a little keyboard. I've probably "spoken" to Bear more now than I have in the 6 years I've known him! lol

Hubby and I were on our way back from visiting Kitty in Metro City (a 3 hour drive):

12/30/11 4:55 pm Hy mom this is Bear how's Metro and will u be back for dinner
:) love Bear <3

4:47 Metro n Kitty were ok. See you in about an hour or so.

5:04 (text from Bear's ipod app he uses for texting) Hi mom its me Bob are you gonna be in town for dinner
:) love Bear <3

5:07 I just told Bear n Poppy that we'll be there not 2 long after 6 pm depends on traffic.

5:08 Alright well I'm not with poppy and Bear didn't tell me that
:) love Bear <3

5:09 Ok. Love you Sugar plum!

5:13 She's sick now
:) love Bear <3

5:14 Who?
I <3 Hubby

5:16 Bob she's gagging so hard she fell over
:) love Bear <3

5:22 Just because I called her Sugarplum? You wouldn't gag if I told you how great u r (awesomely wonderful) or how much I love u (bunches!), would you, Sugar Britches?!
I <3 Hubby!

{Sent to all 3 kids} 5:32 Aren't y'all glad I text now my little Honey bunnies?
Love, Mom
I <3 Hubby

No response from any of 'em.

Bear sent this text in the middle of the night. I didn't see it until the next morning.

1/6/12 11:23pm Hy mom this is Bear I'm having problems breathing and snacking and having chest pains like crazy

On the way to drop him off at Grandma and Poppy's so Hubby and I could drive to Metro City to visit Kitty, we talked to Bear about how he was feeling (and reprimanded him for not letting us know sooner). He said his chest pains were better, although his arm hurt a little too. I thought it might be heart burn, or more likely it was the usual psychosomatic issues. I asked him to talk to Poppy (who used to work in the ER) to let him know what was going on and to let us know if it got any worse, but that I wasn't too worried about it.

Within the hour I got a text from Ponito that Poppy was taking Bear to the hospital. I immediately called and told him that wasn't necessary (and that I had Bear's insurance card anyway).


Less than a hour later, Bear sent Hubby a text asking if he could go to the movies with a group of friends. Hubby and I immediately started laughing. So much for being about to die. He'd been laying around on his tookus for weeks and now he wants to get to go somewhere unsupervised with a bunch of teens with nothing to do. Don't know why he can't get that he has to build trust first.

1/7 9:46am It's up 2 Grandma. She's got a lot going on 2 day, and she really needs help with the stones.

{Grandma needs some landscaping blocks laid. Ponito, only 12, has been working for days helping her. Bear has been sitting around on his tookus. Plus he had some kind of training he was supposed to go to after therapy, so wasn't going to be able to spend the night - and Hubby and I were going to have to give up our evening alone. He'd taken on a job (scam) selling knives and apparently they'd strongly suggested he get some extra training. He was fired less than a week later.}

10:38am Mom I don't have to go {to the training} tomaroow he said
I don't have to

10:41 Ok, why don't u swing by the house after therapy n pick up ur
stuff n meds.

10:45 Garandmias kinda pissing me off to

10:46 Sounds like something else to talk about in therapy.
Anything I can help with?\

11:45 Ok

1:23pm Mon I got a ride to the mall can I go if I get a ride back {friend's parent} said
he want to go c the movie to

2:48pm 4 a kid who almost went to the ER this am that's not a good choice.

3:57 Can u have Gma call me please?
{Grandma told me he had been a jerk all morning and hadn't helped at all beyond one tiny bit of help unloading one of the many loads of stones, that they'd not given him a choice about)

4:23 So I'm fine mom and it ws from stress {his therapist that he apparently called} said but I really wanna go

4:26 What did u do to help out today?

4:27 I helped move rock out of the car

4:27 After the walk then I put them in place

4:28 Today?

4:28 Yes today

4:30 Can I please

4:31 Where r u getting the $? U owe a lot.

4:32 My friend said he was pay for my christmas gift

4:34 And I get payed monday and I'll do work for gradmia tomaroow for money

4:36 All the $ u r getting paid is spoken 4.
I guess have {parent of a friend} call Dad n confirm.

{He knows one criteria for going is an adult must be present}

4:37 Ok

{Bear calls us and lets us know that the plans with the adult have fallen through. We are not shocked. In fact we'd suspected that the parent never even knew he was involved, and Bear had been hoping we'd not check}

4:48 If gramdmia takes me can I

4:49 Or poppy

4:57 I'll ask them

4:58 Ask who to what?

4:59 You still have no way home

5:03 It cool hay I don't want to hang out with them bailee's up and talking to me but she want to know if me and her and some friend can hang out MLK day
{Hubby and I are laughing. Gotta love sour grapes.}

5:04 At our house?

5:05 At {the mall in the city) or some thing ike that I don't want to it's to far her friend want to go there

5:09 What a weird coincidence that her friend wants 2 hangout at the {Big city mall} 2?!

5:12 Her friends and I'm trying to get Jammie and some of mine to go so we can all hang out!! And be teenagers and hang out and have fun and act like we all have lifes.!!

5:13 But me and Jammie really don't

5:15 The person whose life u r living wants it

5:16 Since u r not using it

5:17 Lol really funny I'm trying to use it I just don't know how and I want to spend
that day with her

5:18 Or at lest a few hours

5:19 It's over a week away.

5:21 I know but I want make plans

5:23 After all right now she is only ur backup. In another week u could have made up w/ {really recent ex} or found a new love (and new backup girl)
{This was kind of mean, but only a couple of days before, he was devastated about recent ex dumping him. We suspected it was more about the fact that he'd had an argument with his "back-up girl," Bailee, that same day}

5:24 What makes u think I don't like bailee

5:28 I didn't say u don't like Baillee. I just called her ur backup plan. Have u noticed u usually have one? I think it says something about the depth of relationship u r ready 4.

5:30 Mom I'm sorry u fell that way but I want to be with her and she likes me and I like her

5:35 What about {recent ex girlfriend}? I'm just saying u got over her really fast. And u were engaged not 2 long ago {to a totally different girl}. I'm not sayin u don't like Bailee. I'm just suggesting u try 2 take things slower. Get 2 know a girl b4 you get emotionally committed.
{He hadn't bothered to tell us about the engagement. We'd found out from Kitty after it was all over. He lied to us in therapy about the circumstances even after he knew we'd found out - to make it seem like he hadn't told us to keep us from "getting mad at him." His therapist thinks this is a "good sign," because he knew we wouldn't approve of an engagement at this point in his life, which means that HE knew it wasn't a good point in his life to be engaged.}

5:44 That's y I want to hang out with her duff that's how u get to know people

5:46 True. Just want u 2 notice ur patterns.

5:51 I know I'm done making that mistak I want to get to know her and take things from there if things work out

5:55 I don't know wat 2 say. I hope u CAN follow through. We'll be there 2 help.

5:56 Ok I think I may take u up on that

5:58 U do realize that means u r going 2 have to talk 2 me at some point, right?

6:00 About wat

6:00 Anything!
6:01 Everything
6:02 SOMEthing!

6:03 Ok will do

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