This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, April 9, 2012

E-mail to Bear's therapist

Bear's therapist asked a few weeks ago how Bear was doing:

To (finally) answer your question, Bear is scraping by.  He’s skipping a lot of school, but not to the extent that the school feels like holding him accountable.  He’s failing a class, but it’s general ed philosophy and he doesn’t need it to graduate.  The school apparently let him join the extra-curricular wrestling team anyway, and UIL rules do not apply.

He’s having fights with his girlfriend and doesn’t know how to handle them.  He’s been living with her married cousin mostly so I don’t know what will happen to his living situation.  The father of the boy, Mike, that Bear was living with, committed suicide just after Spring Break, and Bear hasn’t been staying with the family ever since.  The father was an alcoholic and committed suicide.  He and  Bear had had a falling out weeks prior to this, so whenever Mike went to stay with his dad,  Bear had been going to his Gf’s cousin’s house. 

Bear has also occasionally stayed in the home of a young teenage girl in the neighborhood (9th grade with a serious crush on him).  He apparently really gets along with her dad who is everything  Bear wants in a father (likes hunting, fishing, camping…).  They only have one working bathroom though, so  Bear  looks pretty ragged.  He’s asked to shower here, but when he left (after we were sure he wasn’t coming back right away), we started trying to repair the shower in the bathroom he used.  Currently there is a big hole in the wall (from years of water damage) so the bath is unusable.  We cannot allow him to use the Master Bath due to his stealing and other issues.

He did spend the night once, just after he’d shaved his head (*eww*). He claims he goes days staying up all night, and he does look pretty out of it.  He’s been camping a lot and is covered in bloody bug bites.  The weight loss appears to have slowed down (he lost about 20lbs).  He claims he’s just not hungry.

He says he’s not seeing any side effects of being off his meds, except that he’s “jittery.”  Honestly we don’t see him enough to see much difference, although he did snap at me once, which he hasn't done in awhile.  Most of the time he sits quietly and watches TV or listens to music when at the house or a doctor appointment.  He answers questions when asked, but is not volunteering much information.  He seems to only contact us when he needs a ride or a place to stay.  He’s eaten with the extended family a couple of times and brought his GF around one of those times.

Kitty is coming home for a 48 hour pass this weekend for her 17th birthday, and then will be home for good the following weekend.  I cannot allow him to spend the night while he is off his meds once Kitty is home.  We haven’t seen him enough to have a chance to make that clear.

He still thinks he’s moving to Hawaii with his girlfriend’s family after graduation so has made no other plans.  He found out Gary Job Corp is a closed campus during the week so has ruled it out as an option.

The school appears to have written him off, or they’re keeping me out of the loop.  Most likely the former.

I haven’t seen him in about a week.  He texted on Thursday to see “Wazzup” and told me he’s jury-rigged his phone to get it to work again, so I can get hold of him again if needed… maybe.

That’s pretty much all I know.  


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