This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Gotta hand it to him

Bear called me Saturday evening about 7:30pm during Kitty's 17th birthday party.  We were out at my sister's house having pizza and cake and watching The Muppets.  He said he'd injured his hand again and wanted me to take him to the ER.  When I asked why he'd waited until so late to call me if he'd gotten the injury at 1am, he got defensive and just said at least it wasn't like last time when he'd waited almost a week to tell me.

This was the second time this week that Bear wanted to go to the hospital, and I have to admit I questioned whether this injury was any more real.  He'd called me earlier in the week wanting me to take him to the doctor for his "injured" back, but after talking to him, it turned out to be that he'd just strained a muscle or something when he was doing handstands in someone's yard.  I'd told him to alternate cold and heat... which he'll never do.  He tends toward psychosomatic injuries.

Poor Hubby had to leave the party (he'd only been there 20 minutes because he's teaching scuba this weekend) and meet Bear at the ER.  Bear demanded gas money for his friend who'd given him a ride there.  Hubby asked him why he didn't use the $10K he claims he has in the bank.  Bear told him that was his savings for a car, and started insisting that we should be giving him his adoption subsidy. Hubby tried to explain how subsidies work, but Bear wasn't wanting to hear it.  He drug the conversation on for hours and Hubby came home royally ticked off.

We heard several versions of how Bear injured his hand, but the most common version seems to be that he was at a party (drinking) and was playing "bouncer" (possibly physically restraining someone who'd been drinking and was going to drive).  Somehow he threw a punch and hit some concrete.  He fractured his right hand.

The ER started to put a splint on it, but Bear was honest and admitted he wouldn't wear it, so they put it in a cast.  Now he can't write, and is going to have great difficulty working. (He's lost all his "jobs" and is currently "self-employed" with another neighbor kid building fences.)  He's floating from home to home a little faster now.  His girlfriend's family has decided not to move to Hawaii so he has no real plan for after graduation.

He can't come home while he's off his meds, and it would take at least a month to get back on a therapeutic level.  He graduates high school at the end of May and turns 19 in July.

I don't know what's going to happen next.


Last Mom said...

That sounds so hard for Mom and Dad. (((hugs)))

beemommy said...

I have to hand it to you, staying strong and not caving has got to be very tough but it's still the very best thing you could do for him and for the rest of the family in my opinion. Hang in there.

Miz Kizzle said...

Yikes! Bear's suspicion that you're cheating him out of his adoption subsity is typical of someone with a lack of trust. I hope he at least wished his sister a happy birthday.

Foster Mom - R said...

Mary I think of you often. Positive vibes are being sent your way.

Lisa said...

You really are stronger than you think!! I would be so royally po'd by any conversation with one of my kids regarding subsidy. I was shredding some old tax documents the other day and came across a bill for $7900 for speech, ot and pt from our local hospital for my developmentally delayed son. There was a snafu with our BC/BS and Medicaid and we were left with that amount to be paid OUT OF POCKET. It took us years (and lots of interest) to pay off this one bill, and unfortunately, there were many more like it between our 4 emotionally/developmentally challenged kids over the years. It makes me angry that all that money, all that time and energy and all that frustration has resulted in - well, nothing real positive as an outcome. If one of my kids EVER questioned me about subsidy and how it was being used, I would just have a really hard time being civil.

The 10K in the bank is such a joke. If he had it, he'd have already blown thru it. Bear doesn't seem to be the kind of kid who waits to spend money.