This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Letter to Bear's School

Dear {Bear's High School} team,

Trying one last time. 

Why do there continue to be no consequences for Bear’s excessive absences (20) and tardies (12) this semester?  My understanding is that according to his BIP {Behavior Intervention Plan} there should have been consequences long ago.  Also, he’s failing Philosophy (30 the 1st 6 weeks and 22 the next).  I realize he doesn’t need Philosophy to graduate, but now he claims he’s been allowed to join the wrestling team.  Even if this is a club, and therefore doesn’t fall under the UIL “No pass. No play,” rules, it still doesn’t make sense that he should be allowed to participate in a school sponsored program while having these issues.

I realize Bear is legally an adult, but we do have a Power of Attorney, and it is well documented that he’s not emotionally an adult.  He’s learned a lot in his years at  {Bear's High School}.  I’d like to quit reinforcing some of the more negative things that will have an adverse effect on any future jobs he might manage to get.

Were Bear’s teachers even notified that we need to be kept aware of any issues he may be developing as a result of his stopping his medications cold turkey over Spring Break?  This is vital to his well-being, especially as his impulsiveness and mood instability increase.  I’d like to try to keep him out of jail and prevent him from seriously injuring anyone.  FYI, I am fairly certain he still has no learner’s permit or driver’s license, so if he’s seen driving, I’d like to be notified (and if he can’t produce a license then the police should be notified as well).

I expect to hear soon how this issue is being resolved.

Thank you,



RADMomINohio said...

Consequences at school? Unheard of! I'm being sarcastic. I feel your pain. I just left a 2 hour meeting with Penelope's intervention specialist about consequences and why is it so hard. But all we can do as parent advocates is be the squeaky wheel. Unfortunately.

Miz Kizzle said...

Even if the school did what you want and barred your son from joining the wrestling team (I'm not sure what grounds they'd have to do this, but just suppose) and if he were given some kind of consequences for his tardiness and absenteeism, what would it achieve?
Sadly, he's 18 and no longer living under your roof. Like it or not, you don't have any control over him, as far as I can tell. Expecting the school to notify the police if he's seen driving a car is highly unlikely, and if he did get a ticket for driving without a license, do you think that would be somehow be a wakeup call to make him a responsible adult?
I understand your frustration over your son's situation. It's shared by many families who adopt older children and even some who adopted their kids as infants. It makes me wonder if nature has the upper hand over nuture in the old debate.

marythemom said...

Miz K - the only reason I want the school to follow through on consequences is to reinforce the lesson that real life is going to pound into his head a billion times over - if you skip work and appointments, you will be fired and lose services. Granted he'll get this lesson many times in the future, but I was hoping that he would learn it was a universal truth, instead of "mean people picking on him" and that he "can and should manipulate the system." It was why I was so disappointed when he got off with no consequences from the first ticket.

I know in his case nature dealt him just as nasty a blow as nurture did (no pun intended with the "blow" comment). I'm not sure how much better off he would have been if we'd had him since birth.