This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Teenagers and time

Didn't get the job. I'm assuming that's a good thing since I can't seem to find enough hours in the day as it is. I've got a new volunteer job that I'll post about soon.

Kitty is still napping and melting. Napping when she takes her meds. Melting when she doesn't. You'd think it would click when she starts yelling and crying that she hasn't taken her lunchtime meds, but it never does! Hours after I've gotten her calmed down, or she's out on the swings, I'll realize she's missed the med.

Bear has been giving us some trouble lately. He has a new girlfriend. Nothing new there, and wouldn't be a big deal, but his girlfriend is staying with her best friend who lives in our neighborhood. The best friend has a younger friend who is friends with Kitty from the special ed classroom at school. Kitty has become friends with the older sister and her friend (she always seems to do this - especially the ones with mega issues). With me so far?

The older sister is a junior in high school and drives. She'd brought her little sister to our house to hang out with Kitty. Then she recognized Bear from school. She started calling the house to talk to him. She is a large girl, and Bear prefers petite little girls, so he found the older sister annoying, right up until he met her tiny little friend.

So here's where the trouble comes in. Bear is sneaking around to spend unsupervised time with the new girlfriend. The older sister and girlfriend are hanging out here a lot (because I don't let my kids out of my sight - I refuse to become a grandma). Kitty is "bonding" with the older girls.

Kitty is upset with me because I've told her I don't want her hanging out with juniors and seniors in high school (she's only in 8th grade). Nothing against the girls, but Kitty is a mess right now and doesn't need to add to it, plus I'm pretty sure the girls are using her to get closer to Bear. This isn't the first time this has happened. The younger sister doesn't even come over anymore. Also, the girls are nice to Bob too. This sends Kitty into a jealous rage. People are not allowed to like Bob.

Bear is upset with me because he's been busted for lying to me and sneaking around (which he will deny to his dying day). He's also thinking he doesn't need his meds anymore. I've seen some evidence that he's starting to reduce them on his own (unconscious lip movements and irritability).

I need to start channeling Claudia, especially now that I'll have almost all teenagers in the house.

I'm finding that now that I've figured out the key to parenting them {teens}
(you can't control them, no matter what you do, so instruct, consequence, and
observe -- but treat it like a movie that you're watching, and enjoy seeing how
the plot unfolds). Parenting teens by attempting to control them is as foolish
as sitting watching a movie and thinking that by your own will power you can
change then ending.

It's something I need to work on. Probably won't happen for awhile though. I'm still dealing with feeling rundown since I have had to start weaning off my medications. We can't pay for our private health insurance anymore so I can't get my meds or see my doctor. The adopted children are OK because they qualify for Medicaid. The rest of the family are sickeningly healthy.

Better get some sleep. Tomorrow we have to view properties to move our business to, and I'm going to have to take Kitty with me (who will be "BOOORRRED, or take Ponito (to protect him from Kitty). *sigh* Plus I have to be sure to be home at 11am so I don't miss the police officer delivering my summons to small claims court. One of our clients has decided she doesn't like our work so she wants us to refund her money.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love the thoughts about controlling teens. My DH needs to be reminded of this. It's so hard for him to watch our MDS struggle and fail, over and over. We gave him the foundation, now we just need to let him grow. Hard work, for sure.

I like the idea of you working from home, too. You can get your house ready for clients.

How are things looking for RTC for Kitty? When?