This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Community Service

Struggling to Stand - Technically yes, $3/hr is not a fair wage, but we've been very clear that while his consequence is paying us back, we don't actually need $90 of work done, nor do our neighbors. In the past he has incurred big debts and never paid it back (in fact recently I'd given up and deducted it from his allowance/savings). So that is why I've chosen community service instead. If it were about money then he would be getting paid and have to turn it over. The problem is that in our neighborhood some of our neighbors will pay $100 for just a few hours of work. I don't feel guilty, he's worked for less when he was doing lawnwork, and that was a price he negotiated.

All the kids are home from school today because of the holiday so I figured this was a great time to start tackling Bear's hours. Most of the time it's going to have to be done/ and should be done with Hubby (they do need the time together), but Hubby is at work today so I though I'd start with some of the neighbors who are aware of Bear's need for supervision. I am not giving him a choice in who he helps, what he does, or when it gets done (that's not how it works in the real world and he's not really capable of organizing this anyway).

On the phone today I referred to this as community service to a neighbor that doesn't need to know all of his business (the parent of one of my friends), Bear perked up and (after I got off the phone) asked if it could count toward the community service he is supposed to do for ROTC. Bingo! I actually prefer this kind of service (in which I can oversee his supervision) to leaving him on school campus to do who knows what with his friends, so I'm fine with him "double dipping." This means he's "buying into" the project too.

As for the cards... he's sticking with the lie that his pen ran out of ink. I told him I don't believe him. End of discussion.

(The teacher who is responsible for making sure Bear turns in his cards is the one who keeps insisting that Bear doesn't belong in the special school - doesn't keep this a secret from Bear and apparently doesn't check up on Merit students.)

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