This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Therapist goes/ Therapist woes.

It's official. We let Bear's therapist go, and by "we" I mean Hubby. I stayed home.

Hubby says the therapist took it well, although he seemed a little surprised. Hubby also said the therapist had commented negatively on the 20 e-mails I'd sent him (the therapist) since December. I felt this was not that bad an amount because in that time Bear had brought drugs to school twice, stolen some stuff, was skipping class, we reviewed his new FIE (school psychological assessment) and had an IEP meeting. I copied the therapist on all my correspondence to the school. Plus I had sent several e-mails to the therapist trying to get him to call or e-mail me (to no avail).

I know I write long (thorough) and prolific (anytime Bear did something "noteworthy" which is often) e-mails, and I usually copy Hubby and often the therapist of the child involved. So I asked Hubby if he thought I wrote too much. (I often suffer from self-doubt about this kind of stuff.) I know he usually just skims my e-mails.

Hubby said yes.

I've mentioned before that my Love Language is Words of Affirmation. I have to admit this hurt... a lot.

If you need me, I'll be curled up on the couch just reading the blogs and list-serves for awhile. Oh and interviewing new therapists. We met with the first one today. He seems nice, but he is definitely a talk therapist and I don't know that that will help Bear enough. We interview another on Wednesday.


Anonymous said...

I, too, still have not learned to not ask husband questions I don't want the "wrong" answer to.

And as may be clear from the above, I often use more words than necessary!

After the hurt subsides, realize
1. Husband, by telling you the truth is
a. being honest with you (good)
b. giving you a chance to realize that you might need to change (good)
2. busy people don't have time for words =
a. challenge yourself to use as few words as possible (and still make sense)
b. think carefully about what needs to be said
c. think carefully about who needs to know -- at this point in time. You can always forward an entire email conversation later if it becomes relevant.

For me, I write an email as an author, then I go back as a ruthless cut-throat editor. It can hurt to cut an entire paragraph from a 3 paragraph email! But I do it.

Note that, of course, blogs are different beasts than emails and you can give us all the gory details you want to.

Or maybe create a web page "What's Bear Been At Recently?" that the school and therapists could check ... nah, they'd never do it.

Integrity Singer said...

I'm building on the previous commentor's points - put all of those wordy emails in the blog first! Hit post, get some feedback from your followers and THEN write a concise email to whomever needs the email AFTER you've sorted it all out! :)

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Yeah - what Jennie said...always use the blog to filter the excess nonsense (which is most of the day events when you stop and think about it....)

GB's Mom said...

I am with you. If in doubt, put it in. I am never sure which detail is going to hit its mark with aupport person, So I make sure that anything rele ent is included.

marythemom said...

I will try to be a better editor on the e-mails, and I do often send out edited copies of what's on the blog (although more often vice versa). As GB's Mom pointed out though, I'm never sure which point will resonate with the reader.

Honestly I expect Hubby to only skim. There's a reason I handle all the kids' stuff and that is that there is a LOT of stuff. I just need him to not be totally clueless. The therapist's say they skim too, that's OK with me too. I just need them to at least open the stupid e-mails. I don't even care if they respond. I guess I still expect too much.


Anonymous said...

Guys, you can't live with 'em, you can't shoot 'em.

Guys don't like words. (Generalizing here!)

I find numbered lists and bullit points are very helpful tools when emailing information to ANYONE, including the busy women and children in my life.

Now get off that sofa, lick your wounds, and make a list of why your feelings are hurt! Then edit the list. Then edit it again, limiting yourself to 2 adjectives per list item. Seriously, you're not in a creative writing class plugging for an "A". Know your audience.

Just the facts, M'am.