Stolen trust

Bear was listening to an MP3 on Saturday. 1st time in awhile that I'd seen him listening to one. I told him I thought his MP3 had been lost or stolen. He said...yes... but that was the MP3 he'd gotten for his birthday. This was the one he got for Christmas, that had a messed up screen, but he could still use it.

Whoot! Whoot! Mom radar starts blaring!

"Bear, I want to see the MP3 player."

"Why?"

"I want to see it."

"It's in my pocket and I can't get to it when I'm sitting down."

"I want to see it."

"Why?"

"Because you are making me suspicious."

"It's in the pocket of my shorts underneath my jeans." (Bear wears undies - hopefully - and a pair of gym shorts under the jean shorts he wears every single day. When comments are made that he wears the same shorts every day, he claims to have no other shorts, and it doesn't matter because they don't touch his body. I've learned to ignore it. Oh and I know there are no pockets in his gym shorts.)

"I still want to see it."

" " (long pause while he tries to think of a way out of this. Then he starts talking about something else. We get to the store we were heading to. He sits in the car rubbing his knee as though it hurts. I can smell the gears in his head burning as he tries to think).

"Bear, I want to see the MP3 player."

"Why?"

"I want to see it."

"It's in my shorts under my jeans. It's hard to get to."

"I want to see it."

Bear puts his hand in his jean pocket (So much for it being in difficult to get to or in his nonexistant inside short pocket) and pulls out the MP3.

"I traded MP3s with my friend Charles." (yea, that makes sense. Charles traded a very nice MP3 for your cheap one with the damaged screen).

"Hand it over."

"Why?"

"Because you know you're not allowed to do that."

"You can talk to Charles!"

"No, I don't want to talk to Charles (because I know he'll lie for you). Give me the MP3."

Bear hands it over and sulks into the store. As we're getting ready to leave the store, he asks if he can borrow my cell phone and I refused. (assuming he wanted to get his story straight with Charles). We head home and the minute we get home he goes straight to the phone. I stand within hearing distance (the phone is in the kitchen and I legitimately needed to make dinner). The person he called couldn't talk.

Bear hung up and went straight to the computer. I walked by and said, "Say 'Hi' to Charles for me." Bear gave me an excellent confused look. "Don't think I don't know you IM on that computer."

Bear blustered something about Charles not using the computer and I walked away. Bear then mentioned that he talks to Charles' girlfriend. Bingo. Don't know why he volunteers that kind of info. Did you notice that he didn't deny using IM (which he's not supposed to use because he's used it inappropriately)? Then we had to leave to go to Grandma's .

Bear disappeared into the bathroom (typical M.O. for him, he can be in a bathroom for up to 45 minutes - usually when we're going somewhere). I walk past and hear loud banging noises. I ask him what's going on?! He pauses for a minute and then claims he's cleaning the ceiling vent?!!

When he comes back downstairs about 5 minutes later he shows me the dust all over him from cleaning the vent. Whatever Bear. Not buying it. I didn't say anything.

At this point I debated searching him, his room and bathroom, and his stuff. I decided I just didn't want to. Hubby did search the bathroom later, but didn't find anything.

So now it's discipline time. Bear asked to have his new potential girlfriend over, can't remember her name, lets just call her Kleenex. I told him no. He had no idea why. I said because of the MP3. He said, "I didn't steal it!"

"Whether you did or not, you still lied."

"I didn't lie!"

I went on to list all the lies about being unable to give me the MP3, he denied the whole coversation happened that way. *sigh*

So anyway, what to do next.

1. Turn the MP3 over to the school? (Knowing they'll do as much about it as they have about everything else he's stolen, but it's not like we're giving it back to him and they need to know he's still stealing).
2. See if we can figure out if there is some name or something on it (discovered the true owner this way once).
3. Make him copy bible verses or section from a book about honesty (this is good for his handwriting and spelling too).
4. Ground him (for how long?)
5. Something else?

Bear feels entitled to an iPod, iTouch, iPhone, computer, new clothes, sex, sweets.... Since we are depriving him of these essential items, he feels he has a right to take them. Lies and theft are totally justified.

I'm not sure it's worth fighting anymore. We can't "catch him" enough for him to feel we're on top of things. There's no punishment that would stop/keep him from lying and stealing. We can't give him enough stuff and privileges to make him feel he isn't deprived. I can't imagine what he could do to convince me that he's earning my trust.