This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Van therapy

We've had SUV therapy and Car Conversations now we're having Analysis in an Auto.

Bear and I had an hour and a half long conversation after therapy on Saturday. We sat in the car and talked about the fact that Bear didn't want to be part of our family and I want him to be. We talked about how Bear is not satisfied with his life and is not making progress toward his current goals (becoming an underwater welder and moving in with his Grandpa in Oklahoma the minute he turns 18).

Bear wants to get his learner's permit so he can drive to Oklahoma instead of walk(?!). I told him that we have a clear list of what he needs to do to get it, but basically he needs to be part of the family. He said he didn't get the connection and refuses. I explained the connection involves trust, wanting to spend time with him, wanting to do things for him and help him get what he wants. Of course he not only doesn't need help he doesn't want it, and doesn't care if that means he doesn't get what he wants - he'd rather do without.

I tried to explain that what he learns from us, including getting along with people and giving them what they need (in my case Words of Affirmation - I explained the 5 Love Languages), will make him a better person and help him get what he wants in life. He said he didn't need people and was setting up his life to do underwater welding (few people) or live on a farm (ditto) where he won't be around people. He's never getting married, never having children. (I asked what happens when he gets horny - no answer).

I talked about how no one knows what their life is going to be like down the road. Things we think we don't need to know now, may be essential for the future. He may think he doesn't need people now, but God designed us to need people. Bear was damaged and will have to work hard, but take my word for it it really is worth it. Don't think he believed me.

2 1/2 hours of our life. Do I think he heard me? Kinda. Do I think I made an immediate effect? Heck to the No. Did some of it sink in? Maybe a teensy tiny bit. He has repeated some of it since then, but I don't think he believes it.

1 comment:

GB's Mom said...

Some plant the seed, so others can water and weed the seed, and still another can harvest. Bittersweet, I know, but that is just the way God works sometimes...