Finally got the letters sent to all the people on the kid's "teams."
Between Bears' two schools, teachers, admin at both schools, counselors, and the people at his MHMR clinic and therapists, I had to find 22 e-mails! Kitty "only" had 12, but hers were harder to find because no one seemed to know who her caseworker was, and her guidance counselor was different from Bear's too... they're opening another high school this year so everything isn't up to date. One of Kitty's teachers and her guidance counselor weren't in the school directory... whine, whine, whine... ok, I'm done now.
The good news is I'M DONE!!
I talked to the school nurse today and Kitty has already been in there 4-5 times (we're only on our 8th day of school!) for different things. Luckily I'd already discussed the problem with her. Hopefully the teachers will read the letter and stop allowing Kitty to go so often.
Showing posts with label first day of school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first day of school. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Bear letter - final version
OK guys, I'm going to keep the two page version. Thanks for your help! Now all i have to do is get these letters to the teachers and staff!
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary Themom. I am the parent of 11th grade student, Bear. Bear is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance. It is my hope that Bear will have a more successful school year this year. To that end, I would like to share some information with you to help you understand Bear’s behavior, anxiety and issues, so you can better support him and provide a safe, appropriate learning environment.
Bear had a very traumatic childhood including abuse and years in foster care and psychiatric treatment before he was finally adopted as a teen (he is not always truthful about his past – feel free to confirm or deny stories with me). He can be very charming and helpful, especially to those he considers weaker than he is. He loves history and currently wants to be an underwater welder when he leaves home next year (we are working on getting him to finish high school with us).
His current diagnoses:
• RAD – a severe attachment disorder caused by his traumatic childhood that affects cognition, including cause and effect, memory, impulse control, and of course relationships. Bear triangulates and manipulates (especially with “poor little me” stories) to get special privileges or what he needs to feel safe, while at the same time is terrified because he can’t trust anyone to control him (which he needs to feel safe). Bear lives in a very black and white world. Women are usually on pedestals and patronized, or totally reviled. He doesn’t get that not doing something (like schoolwork) because he doesn’t like the person he’s working with (including teachers or the kid sitting next to him) is only hurting himself.
TIP: Bear responds best when people enforce high expectations, but obviously care.
• Bipolar – Bear is medicated for this, but despite his medications he still has major issues with irritability, “giving up,” withdrawal, sleeplessness, and distorted thinking.
• Unmedicated ADD – unfortunately we have found no medications that work with Bear’s body chemistry. TIP: Keeping him active is the best way to help him focus and stay on task.
• Cerebral dysrhythmia – brain injuries that affect his long term retrieval, memory, cognitive and processing skills - worsened by the many gaps in his education due to constant moving and trauma. As stated in his FIE, he has great difficulty adapting and working quickly and efficiently when under pressure (which is always!). He also will need projects broken down into small steps. TIP: Bear has good communication skills, but his vocabulary and ability to understand things is often much less than he is willing to let on. Be aware that he is very good at hiding this.
• C-PTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes him to feel under constant emotional stress because he never feels safe, and causes him to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. The majority of Bear’s issues and behaviors are caused by this constant fear, but he cannot admit that.
It is difficult to learn math and spelling when you feel you are in the middle of a war zone!
WARNING: Bear’s history, treatment and diagnoses are incredibly complex, and staff and peers who are not aware of his issues giving him advice and support based on “normal” kids reactions and behaviors, often derail and set back his achievements and progress by allowing him to manipulate to gain privileges or sympathy, or avoid dealing with his issues in therapy. In addition to structure, support, and therapeutic parenting from us, Bear has a therapist, psychiatrist, and team of trained professionals, including GOAL’s staff.
Bear requires close supervision due to his unpredictable poor choices and poor impulse control that have led to some serious and life-threatening consequences.
Bear NEEDS a lot of structure and support to feel safe. He NEEDS control of his environment at all times, and can go to extreme measures to get that control. This is not always logical. For example, if Bear is told he can go on a field trip if he has no attendance issues and behaves pleasantly with everyone for a week, but he doesn’t absolutely know for sure he can do that, then he might deliberately misbehave so he has 100% control over the outcome. He might also sabotage himself because the trip actually scares him (he doesn’t feel safe in unfamiliar, uncontrollable environments). If a connection is made at all, he will most likely say he didn’t want to go on the “stupid” field trip in the first place (sour grapes). I have my suspicions as to why he is back at GOALS which is very structured and predictable with staff who watch out for him and keep him safe.
Bear does not learn by watching others (modeling) and has great difficulty learning from his mistakes. Due to his severe trust issues, he cannot ask for or accept help. Bear is very skilled at “flying under the radar.”
TIP: Letting little things pass; giving multiple chances; allowing consequences to wait or build up; believing or appearing to believe his lies, triangulation attempts and manipulations … all push Bear’s already limited ability to understand the connection between his actions and the consequences and causes him to disconnect and blame others – which further intensifies his trust issues and is teaching him that he can get away with dangerous behaviors.
Bear NEEDS consequences and to be held accountable for even small infractions, or he has shown repeatedly that he will continue to escalate until he gets what he needs.
Please always notify Bear’s team regarding suspected or actual behaviors (ex. sleeping in class, inability to focus, lying, irritability, venting to others, drug and tobacco use, theft of small electronics, selling drugs and food, food issues, carrying weapons, psychosomatic pain, depression and withdrawal) and his ability to get out of classes (tardies, skipping, long breaks, walking out). We need your help and input as we on various strategies to prevent this dangerous behavior, help Bear make better choices, and establish additional behavior interventions. In addition to notifying Focus staff, please e-mail his case manager Mr. W (______@_______.com) and Mr. C with special school (_________@_________.com).
Again, please contact me for any and all concerns regarding Bear. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Themom (###) ###-####. _________@__________.com
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary Themom. I am the parent of 11th grade student, Bear. Bear is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance. It is my hope that Bear will have a more successful school year this year. To that end, I would like to share some information with you to help you understand Bear’s behavior, anxiety and issues, so you can better support him and provide a safe, appropriate learning environment.
Bear had a very traumatic childhood including abuse and years in foster care and psychiatric treatment before he was finally adopted as a teen (he is not always truthful about his past – feel free to confirm or deny stories with me). He can be very charming and helpful, especially to those he considers weaker than he is. He loves history and currently wants to be an underwater welder when he leaves home next year (we are working on getting him to finish high school with us).
His current diagnoses:
• RAD – a severe attachment disorder caused by his traumatic childhood that affects cognition, including cause and effect, memory, impulse control, and of course relationships. Bear triangulates and manipulates (especially with “poor little me” stories) to get special privileges or what he needs to feel safe, while at the same time is terrified because he can’t trust anyone to control him (which he needs to feel safe). Bear lives in a very black and white world. Women are usually on pedestals and patronized, or totally reviled. He doesn’t get that not doing something (like schoolwork) because he doesn’t like the person he’s working with (including teachers or the kid sitting next to him) is only hurting himself.
TIP: Bear responds best when people enforce high expectations, but obviously care.
• Bipolar – Bear is medicated for this, but despite his medications he still has major issues with irritability, “giving up,” withdrawal, sleeplessness, and distorted thinking.
• Unmedicated ADD – unfortunately we have found no medications that work with Bear’s body chemistry. TIP: Keeping him active is the best way to help him focus and stay on task.
• Cerebral dysrhythmia – brain injuries that affect his long term retrieval, memory, cognitive and processing skills - worsened by the many gaps in his education due to constant moving and trauma. As stated in his FIE, he has great difficulty adapting and working quickly and efficiently when under pressure (which is always!). He also will need projects broken down into small steps. TIP: Bear has good communication skills, but his vocabulary and ability to understand things is often much less than he is willing to let on. Be aware that he is very good at hiding this.
• C-PTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes him to feel under constant emotional stress because he never feels safe, and causes him to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. The majority of Bear’s issues and behaviors are caused by this constant fear, but he cannot admit that.
It is difficult to learn math and spelling when you feel you are in the middle of a war zone!
If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or his others, please feel free to e-mail me at ________@_________.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
Bear requires close supervision due to his unpredictable poor choices and poor impulse control that have led to some serious and life-threatening consequences.
Bear NEEDS a lot of structure and support to feel safe. He NEEDS control of his environment at all times, and can go to extreme measures to get that control. This is not always logical. For example, if Bear is told he can go on a field trip if he has no attendance issues and behaves pleasantly with everyone for a week, but he doesn’t absolutely know for sure he can do that, then he might deliberately misbehave so he has 100% control over the outcome. He might also sabotage himself because the trip actually scares him (he doesn’t feel safe in unfamiliar, uncontrollable environments). If a connection is made at all, he will most likely say he didn’t want to go on the “stupid” field trip in the first place (sour grapes). I have my suspicions as to why he is back at GOALS which is very structured and predictable with staff who watch out for him and keep him safe.
Bear does not learn by watching others (modeling) and has great difficulty learning from his mistakes. Due to his severe trust issues, he cannot ask for or accept help. Bear is very skilled at “flying under the radar.”
TIP: Letting little things pass; giving multiple chances; allowing consequences to wait or build up; believing or appearing to believe his lies, triangulation attempts and manipulations … all push Bear’s already limited ability to understand the connection between his actions and the consequences and causes him to disconnect and blame others – which further intensifies his trust issues and is teaching him that he can get away with dangerous behaviors.
Bear NEEDS consequences and to be held accountable for even small infractions, or he has shown repeatedly that he will continue to escalate until he gets what he needs.
Please always notify Bear’s team regarding suspected or actual behaviors (ex. sleeping in class, inability to focus, lying, irritability, venting to others, drug and tobacco use, theft of small electronics, selling drugs and food, food issues, carrying weapons, psychosomatic pain, depression and withdrawal) and his ability to get out of classes (tardies, skipping, long breaks, walking out). We need your help and input as we on various strategies to prevent this dangerous behavior, help Bear make better choices, and establish additional behavior interventions. In addition to notifying Focus staff, please e-mail his case manager Mr. W (______@_______.com) and Mr. C with special school (_________@_________.com).
Again, please contact me for any and all concerns regarding Bear. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Themom (###) ###-####. _________@__________.com
Bear's Letter
This letter is too long, and I still feel like I could add pages to it! Please help!
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary TheMom. I am the parent of 11th grade student, Bear. Bear is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance. It is my hope that Bear will have a more successful school year this year. I would like to share some information with you to help you better understand Bear’s behavior, anxiety and issues, so you can better support him and provide a safe, appropriate learning environment.
Bear can be very charming and helpful to those he considers weaker than he is, he loves history and wants to be an underwater welder when he leaves home next year (we are working on getting him to finish high school with us). His diagnoses:
• RAD – a severe attachment disorder caused by his traumatic childhood that affects cognition, including cause and effect, memory, and of course relationships. Bear triangulates adults and manipulates (especially with “poor little me” behaviors) to get special privileges or what he needs to feel safe, while at the same time is terrified because he can’t trust them to control him (which he needs to feel safe). He lives in a very black and white world. Women are usually on pedestals and patronized or totally reviled. He doesn’t get that not doing something (like schoolwork) because he doesn’t like the person he’s working with (including teachers or even the kid sitting next to him) is only hurting himself.
• Bipolar – Bear is medicated for this, but despite his medications he still has issues with irritability, “giving up,” withdrawal, sleeplessness, and distorted thinking.
• Unmedicated ADD – unfortunately we have found no medications that work with Bear’s body chemistry. Keeping him active is the best way to help him focus and stay on task.
• Cerebral dysrhythmia – brain injuries that affect his long term retrieval, memory, and processing skills - worsened by the many gaps in his education due to constant moving and trauma. As stated in his FIE, he has great difficulty adapting and working quickly and efficiently when under pressure! Bear has good communication skills, but his vocab. and ability to understand things is often much less than he is willing to let on.
• C-PTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes him to feel under constant emotional stress because he never feels safe, and causes him to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. It’s difficult to learn math and spelling when you feel you are in the middle of a war zone!
WARNING: Bear’s history, treatment and diagnoses are incredibly complex, and staff and peers who are not aware of his issues giving him advice and support based on “normal” kids reactions and behaviors, often derail and set back his achievements and progress by allowing him to manipulate to gain privileges or sympathy, or avoid dealing with his issues in therapy. In addition to structure, support, and therapeutic parenting from us, Bear has a therapist, psychiatrist, and team of trained professionals, including all {Special School}’s staff.
Bear NEEDS a lot of structure and support to feel safe. He needs control of his environment at all times, and can go to extreme measures to get that control. This is not always logical. For example, if Bear is told he can go on a field trip if he has no attendance issues and behaves pleasantly with everyone for a week, and he doesn’t know for sure he can do that, then he might deliberately misbehave so he has control over the outcome. He might also sabotage himself because the trip actually scares him (he doesn’t feel safe in unfamiliar, uncontrollable environments). If a connection is made at all, he will most likely say he didn’t want to go on the “stupid” field trip in the first place (sour grapes). I have my suspicions as to why he is back at {Special School} which is very structured and predictable.
Please always notify Bear’s team regarding suspected or actual behaviors (ex. sleeping in class, inability to focus, lying, irritability, venting to others, drug and tobacco use, theft of small electronics, selling drugs and food, food issues, carrying weapons, psychosomatic pain, depression and withdrawal) and his ability to get out of classes (tardies, skipping, long breaks, walking out). He NEEDS consequences and to be held accountable for even small infractions, or he has shown repeatedly that he will continue to escalate until he gets what he needs. He requires close supervision due to his unpredictable poor choices and poor impulse control that have led to some serious concerns.
Bear does not learn by watching others (modeling) and has great difficulty learning from his mistakes. Due to his severe trust issues, he cannot ask for or accept help. Tip: Letting little things pass; giving multiple chances; allowing consequences to wait or build up; believing or appearing to believe his lies, triangulation attempts or manipulations - pushes Bear’s already limited ability to understand the connection between his action and the consequences and causes him to disconnect and blame others – which further intensifies his trust issues.
Bear is excellent at “flying under the radar.” Please e-mail regarding even the smallest issues, as we look into various strategies to prevent this dangerous behavior, help Bear make better choices, and establish additional behavior interventions. In addition to letting (school behavior program) staff know, please e-mail his case manager, Mr. W (________@________.org) and Mr. C (principal at special school) (________@_______.org) when any concerns arise in class.
Please contact me for any and all issues with Bear. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Themom (###) ###-####. _____@_________.com
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary TheMom. I am the parent of 11th grade student, Bear. Bear is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance. It is my hope that Bear will have a more successful school year this year. I would like to share some information with you to help you better understand Bear’s behavior, anxiety and issues, so you can better support him and provide a safe, appropriate learning environment.
Bear can be very charming and helpful to those he considers weaker than he is, he loves history and wants to be an underwater welder when he leaves home next year (we are working on getting him to finish high school with us). His diagnoses:
• RAD – a severe attachment disorder caused by his traumatic childhood that affects cognition, including cause and effect, memory, and of course relationships. Bear triangulates adults and manipulates (especially with “poor little me” behaviors) to get special privileges or what he needs to feel safe, while at the same time is terrified because he can’t trust them to control him (which he needs to feel safe). He lives in a very black and white world. Women are usually on pedestals and patronized or totally reviled. He doesn’t get that not doing something (like schoolwork) because he doesn’t like the person he’s working with (including teachers or even the kid sitting next to him) is only hurting himself.
• Bipolar – Bear is medicated for this, but despite his medications he still has issues with irritability, “giving up,” withdrawal, sleeplessness, and distorted thinking.
• Unmedicated ADD – unfortunately we have found no medications that work with Bear’s body chemistry. Keeping him active is the best way to help him focus and stay on task.
• Cerebral dysrhythmia – brain injuries that affect his long term retrieval, memory, and processing skills - worsened by the many gaps in his education due to constant moving and trauma. As stated in his FIE, he has great difficulty adapting and working quickly and efficiently when under pressure! Bear has good communication skills, but his vocab. and ability to understand things is often much less than he is willing to let on.
• C-PTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes him to feel under constant emotional stress because he never feels safe, and causes him to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. It’s difficult to learn math and spelling when you feel you are in the middle of a war zone!
If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or his others, please feel free to e-mail me at _____@_________.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
WARNING: Bear’s history, treatment and diagnoses are incredibly complex, and staff and peers who are not aware of his issues giving him advice and support based on “normal” kids reactions and behaviors, often derail and set back his achievements and progress by allowing him to manipulate to gain privileges or sympathy, or avoid dealing with his issues in therapy. In addition to structure, support, and therapeutic parenting from us, Bear has a therapist, psychiatrist, and team of trained professionals, including all {Special School}’s staff.
Bear NEEDS a lot of structure and support to feel safe. He needs control of his environment at all times, and can go to extreme measures to get that control. This is not always logical. For example, if Bear is told he can go on a field trip if he has no attendance issues and behaves pleasantly with everyone for a week, and he doesn’t know for sure he can do that, then he might deliberately misbehave so he has control over the outcome. He might also sabotage himself because the trip actually scares him (he doesn’t feel safe in unfamiliar, uncontrollable environments). If a connection is made at all, he will most likely say he didn’t want to go on the “stupid” field trip in the first place (sour grapes). I have my suspicions as to why he is back at {Special School} which is very structured and predictable.
Please always notify Bear’s team regarding suspected or actual behaviors (ex. sleeping in class, inability to focus, lying, irritability, venting to others, drug and tobacco use, theft of small electronics, selling drugs and food, food issues, carrying weapons, psychosomatic pain, depression and withdrawal) and his ability to get out of classes (tardies, skipping, long breaks, walking out). He NEEDS consequences and to be held accountable for even small infractions, or he has shown repeatedly that he will continue to escalate until he gets what he needs. He requires close supervision due to his unpredictable poor choices and poor impulse control that have led to some serious concerns.
Bear does not learn by watching others (modeling) and has great difficulty learning from his mistakes. Due to his severe trust issues, he cannot ask for or accept help. Tip: Letting little things pass; giving multiple chances; allowing consequences to wait or build up; believing or appearing to believe his lies, triangulation attempts or manipulations - pushes Bear’s already limited ability to understand the connection between his action and the consequences and causes him to disconnect and blame others – which further intensifies his trust issues.
Bear is excellent at “flying under the radar.” Please e-mail regarding even the smallest issues, as we look into various strategies to prevent this dangerous behavior, help Bear make better choices, and establish additional behavior interventions. In addition to letting (school behavior program) staff know, please e-mail his case manager, Mr. W (________@________.org) and Mr. C (principal at special school) (________@_______.org) when any concerns arise in class.
Please contact me for any and all issues with Bear. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Themom (###) ###-####. _____@_________.com
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Better Letter
You guys are sooo great! Thanks! Is this better?
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary TheMom. I am the parent of 9th grade student, Kitty. Kitty is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance (RAD, bipolar, C-PTSD), Other Health Impaired (medicated ADHD), and Learning Disabilities (cerebral dysrhythmia). If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or the others that she has, please feel free to e-mail me at _____@_________.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
It is my hope that Kitty will have a successful school year. Because she is quiet and a hard worker in class, Kitty tends to not always get what she needs to reach her full potential. I would like to share some information with you to help you better understand Kitty’s reactions, anxiety and issues, so you can better support her and provide an appropriate learning environment.
Kitty is a former foster child, who was discarded into foster care at age 9, because she was “out of control.” This was due to the lack of proper parenting provided by her mentally ill mother, abusive males, and Kitty’s untreated mental health issues. It is rarely seen in her behavior at school now.
Due to trust issues, Kitty’s reactions are often subtle at school, but believe me she is frequently under major emotional distress - at which point she “shuts down” (not learning or remembering!) and is extremely emotionally fragile and at risk. Her Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes her to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. It’s difficult to learn math and spelling when you’re in the middle of a war zone!
Some things to watch for:
• Gentle teasing, constructive criticism, or even just the feeling of disapproval, is often perceived as yelling, accusing, and hateful. Kitty has difficulty with teasing, (both peers and adults). She “dishes it” (we are working on this), but she can’t “take it.” Kitty’s usual response to this at school is to dissociate (freeze, change the subject, or tattle – based on her interpretation of events).
Tip: Kitty responds best to caring structure. If she doesn’t believe the person cares about her, she will attribute all sorts of negative motives to them (especially males).
• If Kitty’s speech or laughter sounds loud and pressured, she appears agitated, is overly sensitive, or she is popping her knuckles – she is very distressed and overwhelmed.
Tip: A calm, quiet space so she can emotionally regulate, and a calm, supportive person can really help.
• Although fairly stable now, Kitty has been both suicidal and aggressive. Due to her attachment issues, the child you see at school is not the same one that lives with us.
Tip: Please believe and support us when we tell you how Kitty is doing and notify us of any issues.
• Kitty’s distress frequently exhibits as physical illness (nausea, stomach aches, tiredness, ear aches, headaches…). This feels very real to her, and occasionally it is real.
Tip: Ask her to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10, with over 5 or 6 allowed to go to the nurse. (I believe this is in her BIP). Otherwise she will be in the nurse’s office frequently - days with substitutes almost guarantee this. Calling me as needed is always fine.
• FYI, she has some bladder issues and may not be able to “hold it.” I strongly recommend letting her use the restroom if she requests it. We can keep a spare change of clothes at school if needed.
Please contact me for any and all issues with Kitty. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Brush (###) ###-####. _____@_________.com
Dear School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary TheMom. I am the parent of 9th grade student, Kitty. Kitty is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance (RAD, bipolar, C-PTSD), Other Health Impaired (medicated ADHD), and Learning Disabilities (cerebral dysrhythmia). If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or the others that she has, please feel free to e-mail me at _____@_________.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
It is my hope that Kitty will have a successful school year. Because she is quiet and a hard worker in class, Kitty tends to not always get what she needs to reach her full potential. I would like to share some information with you to help you better understand Kitty’s reactions, anxiety and issues, so you can better support her and provide an appropriate learning environment.
Kitty is a former foster child, who was discarded into foster care at age 9, because she was “out of control.” This was due to the lack of proper parenting provided by her mentally ill mother, abusive males, and Kitty’s untreated mental health issues. It is rarely seen in her behavior at school now.
Due to trust issues, Kitty’s reactions are often subtle at school, but believe me she is frequently under major emotional distress - at which point she “shuts down” (not learning or remembering!) and is extremely emotionally fragile and at risk. Her Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – causes her to overreact to things you or I might consider minor. It’s difficult to learn math and spelling when you’re in the middle of a war zone!
Some things to watch for:
• Gentle teasing, constructive criticism, or even just the feeling of disapproval, is often perceived as yelling, accusing, and hateful. Kitty has difficulty with teasing, (both peers and adults). She “dishes it” (we are working on this), but she can’t “take it.” Kitty’s usual response to this at school is to dissociate (freeze, change the subject, or tattle – based on her interpretation of events).
Tip: Kitty responds best to caring structure. If she doesn’t believe the person cares about her, she will attribute all sorts of negative motives to them (especially males).
• If Kitty’s speech or laughter sounds loud and pressured, she appears agitated, is overly sensitive, or she is popping her knuckles – she is very distressed and overwhelmed.
Tip: A calm, quiet space so she can emotionally regulate, and a calm, supportive person can really help.
• Although fairly stable now, Kitty has been both suicidal and aggressive. Due to her attachment issues, the child you see at school is not the same one that lives with us.
Tip: Please believe and support us when we tell you how Kitty is doing and notify us of any issues.
• Kitty’s distress frequently exhibits as physical illness (nausea, stomach aches, tiredness, ear aches, headaches…). This feels very real to her, and occasionally it is real.
Tip: Ask her to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10, with over 5 or 6 allowed to go to the nurse. (I believe this is in her BIP). Otherwise she will be in the nurse’s office frequently - days with substitutes almost guarantee this. Calling me as needed is always fine.
• FYI, she has some bladder issues and may not be able to “hold it.” I strongly recommend letting her use the restroom if she requests it. We can keep a spare change of clothes at school if needed.
Please contact me for any and all issues with Kitty. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as soon as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at (###) ###-####.
Yours in Partnership, Mary Brush (###) ###-####. _____@_________.com
New School Year Letter to Teacher - Kitty
What do y'all think?
Dear High School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary Themom. I am the parent of 9th grade student, Kitty. Kitty is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance (RAD, bipolar, C-PTSD), Other Health Impaired (medicated ADHD), and Learning Disabilities (cerebral dysrhythmia). If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or the others that she has, please feel free to e-mail me at _______@_______.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
It is my hope that Kitty will have a successful school year. To help ensure this I would like to share some information with you.
Kitty is a former foster child, who was discarded into foster care at age 9, because she was “out of control.” This was due to the lack of proper parenting provided by her mentally ill mother, abusive male caregivers, and Kitty’s untreated mental health issues. It is rarely seen in her behavior at school now. I bring this up to help you understand Kitty’s reactions, anxiety and issues, so you can better support her and help her learn. Kitty responds best to caring structure. If she doesn’t believe the person cares about her she will attribute all sorts of negative motives to them (especially males).
Due to trust issues, Kitty’s reactions are often subtle at school, but believe me she is frequently under major emotional distress at which point she “shuts down” (not learning or remembering!) and is extremely emotionally fragile and at risk. Some things to watch for:
Dear High School Teachers and Staff,
My name is Mary Themom. I am the parent of 9th grade student, Kitty. Kitty is served by the district as a student with an Emotional Disturbance (RAD, bipolar, C-PTSD), Other Health Impaired (medicated ADHD), and Learning Disabilities (cerebral dysrhythmia). If you have any questions or concerns regarding any of these diagnoses or the others that she has, please feel free to e-mail me at _______@_______.com or call me at (###) ###-####.
It is my hope that Kitty will have a successful school year. To help ensure this I would like to share some information with you.
Kitty is a former foster child, who was discarded into foster care at age 9, because she was “out of control.” This was due to the lack of proper parenting provided by her mentally ill mother, abusive male caregivers, and Kitty’s untreated mental health issues. It is rarely seen in her behavior at school now. I bring this up to help you understand Kitty’s reactions, anxiety and issues, so you can better support her and help her learn. Kitty responds best to caring structure. If she doesn’t believe the person cares about her she will attribute all sorts of negative motives to them (especially males).
Due to trust issues, Kitty’s reactions are often subtle at school, but believe me she is frequently under major emotional distress at which point she “shuts down” (not learning or remembering!) and is extremely emotionally fragile and at risk. Some things to watch for:
- Gentle teasing, constructive criticism, or even just the feeling of disapproval, is often perceived as yelling, accusing, and hateful. Kitty has difficulty with teasing, (both peers and adults). She “dishes it” (we are working on this), but she can’t “take it.” Kitty’s usual response to this at school is to dissociate (freeze, change the subject, or tattle – based on her interpretation of events).
- If Kitty’s speech or laughter sounds loud and pressured, she appears agitated, is overly sensitive, or she is popping her knuckles – she is very distressed.
- Although fairly stable now, Kitty has been both suicidal and aggressive. Due to her attachment issues, the child you see at school is not the same one that lives with us.
- Kitty’s distress frequently exhibits as physical illness (nausea, stomach aches, tiredness, ear aches, headaches…). This feels very real to her, and occasionally it is real. We suggest asking her to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I believe this is in her BIP. If this is not done she will be in the nurse’s office frequently - days with substitutes almost guarantee this. Calling me as needed is fine.
- FYI, she has some bladder issues and may not be able to “hold it.” I strongly recommend letting her use the restroom if she requests it. We can keep a spare change of clothes at school if needed.
Kitty has many gaps in her education – some of these are due to her:
- Cerebral dysrhythmia (brain damage) and learning disabilities.
- Constant moving and changing schools throughout her traumatic childhood.
- Severe Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – which even now can cause her to react as though she is in a highly stressful environment. It’s difficult to learn math and spelling when you’re in the middle of a war zone.
Please contact me for any and all issues with Kitty. I need to be kept abreast of all situations, and I will do the same for you. I am available 95% of the day. I do work, but have flexibility on my job and can be reached by phone at almost any time. I will return your call as quickly as possible if I am in a meeting, or you can reach my husband, Hubby, at ###-####.
Yours in Partnership,
Mary Themom
(###)###-####
__________@_________.com
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Homework on the first day to school!
School started for 3 of the kids today. So why do I have homework?! Bear's open house at his special school was yesterday - easily 10+ enrollment forms, but I got them all done during the meeting. Yea me!! Then I get home today and ALL the kids had enrollment forms that have to be turned in tomorrow! Since Bear now attends both his special school and his home school I had to fill out his forms twice! Luckily me!
Went to Kitty's family therapy today. I really like this therapist. Turned in the last of the admission forms and she gave me all the missing neurological results from when Bear was at the treatment center! Some light reading. Also staffing/treatment notes for Kitty to review and see if they're on the right track. Did I mention I like this therapist?!!
Get a call while we're in therapy. Bear apparently deliberately missed the bus (he of course claims he didn't know which one it was, but the driver says a boy stood debating getting on the bus for 10 minutes before deciding not to get on. He got a ride from "Someone's mom" - no name, and no one saw her. He was 45 minutes late coming home. He says he had a bad day. I do know he says he broke up with his latest girlfriend. Time to play Monk and figure out where he really was. *sigh*
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
First day of school
Today is Ponito's first day back in public school. He's so excited to be back. He found out he knows most of the kids from years past and baseball three years ago. He gave me a hip hug before we entered the school and then just walked straight into the classroom without looking back. I know it's a good thing that he's so independent, but he's my baby!!
Last year when the girls were supposed to go to middle school, we decided to try out private school instead. We found the perfect school! They take special needs kids (Kitty has learning disbilities, ADHD, and needs emotional support) and support kids that are bright too (Bob has always been an avid reader and very smart, but not very motivated. The new school encouraged her and Ponito to advance). Their teacher is our neighbor across the street and one of my best friends.
In fifth grade, Kitty could barely handle her special education classroom, flunked her only mainstream class, and had become super aggressive and overwhelmed in Summer camp. Bear was also attending the middle school and we didn't want Kitty and Bear to both end up in the same room (Bear had been pulled from regular classes because he was too aggressive and overwhelmed by them). The ACHIEVE room was designed to help kids by providing emotional support. The school had informed me that Kitty would be in all mainstream classes with 15 minutes of inclusion assistance a week - YEAH RIGHT!
The private school has only 40 kids and the younger children got almost one on one attention. Kitty worked at her own pace in her workbooks so there was no one telling her what to do all the time (which helps with her ODD), and the diagnostics assessed exactly what she was missing (gaps) from the years of untreated severe ADHD, multiple moves, and trauma. She started the school year 2 and 1/2 years behind and finished only 1 year behind.
Unfortunately we cannot afford to put the girls in private school right now, and I will not put them back in public school. We've decided to have Grandma homeschool until we can get them back in school. This should be interesting since Grandma triggers Kitty's ODD and has to deal with her meltdowns and beligerance almost daily.
Bear starts school today too. More about Bear and how he ended up in his own special school on another day.
I better get off the computer before Hubby pulls my internet! Last night when I told him I started a blog, he was not very happy. He rued the day he taught me how to use the internet!
Hugs and prayers,
Mary
Last year when the girls were supposed to go to middle school, we decided to try out private school instead. We found the perfect school! They take special needs kids (Kitty has learning disbilities, ADHD, and needs emotional support) and support kids that are bright too (Bob has always been an avid reader and very smart, but not very motivated. The new school encouraged her and Ponito to advance). Their teacher is our neighbor across the street and one of my best friends.
In fifth grade, Kitty could barely handle her special education classroom, flunked her only mainstream class, and had become super aggressive and overwhelmed in Summer camp. Bear was also attending the middle school and we didn't want Kitty and Bear to both end up in the same room (Bear had been pulled from regular classes because he was too aggressive and overwhelmed by them). The ACHIEVE room was designed to help kids by providing emotional support. The school had informed me that Kitty would be in all mainstream classes with 15 minutes of inclusion assistance a week - YEAH RIGHT!
The private school has only 40 kids and the younger children got almost one on one attention. Kitty worked at her own pace in her workbooks so there was no one telling her what to do all the time (which helps with her ODD), and the diagnostics assessed exactly what she was missing (gaps) from the years of untreated severe ADHD, multiple moves, and trauma. She started the school year 2 and 1/2 years behind and finished only 1 year behind.
Unfortunately we cannot afford to put the girls in private school right now, and I will not put them back in public school. We've decided to have Grandma homeschool until we can get them back in school. This should be interesting since Grandma triggers Kitty's ODD and has to deal with her meltdowns and beligerance almost daily.
Bear starts school today too. More about Bear and how he ended up in his own special school on another day.
I better get off the computer before Hubby pulls my internet! Last night when I told him I started a blog, he was not very happy. He rued the day he taught me how to use the internet!
Hugs and prayers,
Mary
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