This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Friday - more therapy

We had no school on Friday so the kids spent the day with Grandma. When it came time for Bear to go to therapy we couldn't reach them. We decided to "take" Bear's visit with the therapist. Bear did get hold of us just before the session started, but we decided we needed the visit more then he did.

The visit ended up being mostly about me. I am not dealing with the overwhelming stress well. The increase in anti-depressant has helped though. Hubby is extremely unhappy about my considering doing the homebound tutoring with Kitty. He thinks she'll drive me over the edge.

We did discuss Bear and my relationship with him. He is doing amazingly well, but I find myself still angry and dissociating from him. Hubby and EMDR therapist see him as connecting/ attaching to the family and I just don't see it. There is a strong possibility that MY issues with men and attachment are coming into play here. This was suggested by both hubby and the therapist.

Saturday I tried to focus on looking at Bear through loving eyes. He really has grown (emotionally) and matured a lot. I'm trying hard to lighten up and connect with him. I've been giving him more freedom and less direct supervision. He's been attending mainstream classes outside of his special school for 3 months now with no major problems that we know of. I didn't think he'd make it 2 weeks.

Kitty called Friday while we were at therapy and talked to Bear. I don't know what she said to him, but he was highly agitated by it. He says she asked a lot of questions he couldn't answer, and was very upset that we didn't see her or talk to her all day (we were in therapy during both visiting times). Bear insisted repeatedly that she was not ready to come home. I think he was feeling very frustrated that we were not listening to him. Of course the reality is that we have no control over when she comes home. That is entirely at the discretion of the hospital.

1 comment:

Lorraine Fuller said...

Maybe you can find a way to let Bear know that you agree with him and appreciate his insight (since he has been through what Kitty is going through now) and ask him for advice, also letting him know you don't have a choice on when she comes home.