This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Updates clothes and cuddles

It’s raining here, but supposed to get back up into the 70s tomorrow. Still shorts and t-shirts weather though (OK capris instead of shorts for all us Southerners who think 70 is cold)!

I’m going through the kids’ old clothes and donating them to a local thrift store. I dropped off 6 large trash bags yesterday and have 5 more packed up for tomorrow (when it stops raining). Brought in almost that much over the last couple of weeks, but some of those bags included toys. Was really freaking out until I realized that since Summer before last (which is probably the last time we had a major purge) Kitty has grown from children’s sizes to a woman size 16! Bob has gone from about a woman’s size 10 to a 16 and back to a 10 (school PE in public school actually works). We won't even go into shoe sizes. Little Ponito hasn’t grown much over the last couple of years, and likes his clothes big and loose, but he has grown some and changed his taste in clothing.

Most importantly they went back to public school so no longer need to meet a private school dress code (and they hated their uniforms). Three Summers ago I dropped from a size 16 to a 6. Because of the stress of the last 3 years I’m back up (and over) to an 18, and I’ve gone to work in a totally new industry. Hubby’s gained a pant size. Bear is the only one that’s stayed pretty even.

Company is doing OK. The new guy seems to be working out. He still needs time to get up to speed, but we have high hopes. Jobs are trickling in, although most people seem to want to wait until next year to start.

Most of the kids are pretty stable right now. Bear is enjoying JROTC so seems to be staying out of trouble so he can stay in the program. We’re still working on his emotional issues (which JROTC could care less about. He doesn’t have to worry about getting kicked out for not communicating with us – so he doesn’t.). Not totally sure how his "new" therapist is going to work out. All attachment therapists seem to be a little different, and this one is no exception.

Kitty unfortunately is still needing a lot of external emotional regulation – which means I have to be home with her every day after school or she gets unstable, and threatens Grandma and Ponito, but she’s no longer suicidal. Recently she's decided she wants more privileges so is asking for more responsibilities. Today she did dishes without an argument or meltdown!! I know! I can't believe it either!
Bob is 13 – 'nough said. She’s also struggling with the extreme amount of homework that they expect from (non special education) students nowadays. She and I have been clashing a lot lately so Saturday I didn't let her go to Grandma's house for the night with the rest of the kids. We had a long talk about how the other kids need structure and need me to keep them safe. When I ask Bob to do something and she says No, as she often does, then the other kids hear it and refuse to do anything either.

We agreed that I would lighten up on her (reduce her chores and ask for less from her during the week when she's swamped by homework). In exchange she will be compliant with my directives at least in "public" (in other words especially in front of her siblings). If she has a complaint she'll pull me aside. We'll see how it works. I spent most of today redoing the chore chart.

*Shhh* don't tell anyone, but I've occasionally been letting Bob stay up with me past her bedtime and watch the latest Project Runway episodes. Only if she cuddles with me though!

Ponito is doing well. I know it’s tough on him to have all teenage older siblings. He often feels picked on I think. I love that even though he's almost 11 he'll still crawl in my lap and cuddle.

Maybe my love language is really Physical Touch?!


Mama Drama Times Two said...

My 10 year old is a big cuddler - we adopted him last year and he is making up for lost time. Isn't it the best?

Jeri said...

Fortunately, Hannah is a big hugger and a fairly immature fourteen year old. She is just now considering a boy in her class to not be too gross. She has a sixth grade stalker who brings her candy and that she feels bad for as he calls her Miss Random and himself, the mister. I'm glad she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Her older sister (now 31) wasn't so comfortable in middle school and while being handed a valentines present said to the poor boy,"I'm sorry, I can only go steady with someone I like." Poor guy.