This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

They just don't get it.

I wish we had video taped our daughter's rages so we could show it to our insurance company who decided she didn't need to be in residential treatment because she was doing so "well" there. Apparently they'd never heard of a honeymoon period. Luckily, the treatment center held on to her for another week at their own expense and finished all the neuropsychological testing at least.

Our daughter never misbehaves or complains at school either so they ignore all the behavior parts of her IEP and assessments. Which means she comes homes and falls apart because she is so stressed from holding it together all day.

I hate when well-meaning people think that they are fixing our children; giving the child someone to talk to because he can't talk to his parents; or criticize the mean parents who "refuse to see the child's potential," or "forget that he's going to have to be in a less restrictive environment in the real world" (yes, he graduates in two years, that doesn't mean that letting him get away with stuff because he's unsupervised doesn't make him any less sick); or that we "don't praise the good things he does" (like how great it was that he didn't get into a fight with the boy who wanted to fight him - never mind that his actions caused the boy to want to fight him in the first place, or that he only went to the school staff because the boy and his friends were bigger than him, or that this was the day he had to be searched for contraband when he came in to school, or that his PTSD was so triggered he scared the other children and was beyond rude to the adults, and Hubby still spent 2 hours after bed time listening to him vent.).

I hate feeling like the bad guy because I hold him accountable and won't let the school focus only on the positives and ignore the negatives. These new teachers can afford to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him until he proves untrustworthy. They don't know him like we do. He doesn't usually act this way with them, but what about his future family? Don't I owe it to my future (distant future I hope) grand kids to help him heal instead of letting him continue like this?!

1 comment:

Bill and Ronni Hall said...

They're never going to "get it" because our children are perfect angels around other people, especially relatives, such as grandparents. My father recently told us that what our daughter was doing was "normal teenage stuff" even though he was listening to us tell him what was going on, and he talked to her when she was in a shelter for two weeks due to her splitting behavior and false allegations against me, her Dad.
My father stated that she was over-medicated and over-diagnosed with PTSD, RAD, ...etc.