This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Star Chart

Kitty's behavior has been worsening, and now that Grandma has pneumonia (*eek!*) she is of course even less able to keep up with my girl. Spring Break loomed ahead as pure torture for all.

I decided to try something new and less threatening with Kitty, in a way that might not make all the other children hate her or her feel she won. I decided to take a step back with her and try a star chart. I found a great site with free printable, customizable charts that was easy to use and worked perfectly -

If she is operating well on the star chart then we will completely remove the FAIR Club as an option for her (threat of the FAIR Club, as well as actually being put in it) are HUGE triggers for her.

She will have almost no chores. She will only wash dishes (big trigger) on the weekend so that Hubby and I can supervise and Grandma is left out of it. We also decided that she and Ponito could do the dishes together as she seems to work better with company. She will no longer clean anything but her own room. She will still have to put her laundry away, but she will not have to wash it (just bring it downstairs).

So her chart has 3 categories.
1. Respectful Attitude
2. Chores completed with only one reminder (we'll work up to being completed well)
3. Talk to parents about feelings (this includes the 5 minute conversations with Dad she's supposed to be doing every night).

She thinks star charts are babyish, but likes the fewer chores. The reduction in allowance irritated her, but I combined it with telling her that I was not going to make her finish paying me back for some money she'd borrowed.

Spring Break means that the kids have no school all week, but Hubby and I still need to work. My mom's pneumonia means that Poppy (her husband) is really watching the kids (and her). We've been dropping the kids off at her house every morning so chores have to be done before everyone leaves. This led to an explosion yesterday for once it involved BEAR!

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