This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Girl Drama

Kitty is having meltdowns again. So far nothing major, but I foolishly hoped they were mostly gone. Silly me.

Being pushed on chores always sets her off. She wants to ignore them or do them so poorly that I can't even tell they've been done. Sending her back again and again until they are actually done correctly... guaranteed meltdown. The good news is that sending her back the first time is no longer an instant meltdown guarantee. She can now handle being corrected - she just can't handle even semi-realistic expectations like sweeping all the way to the edges, picking up everything off the floor in her bedroom, putting more than 5 dishes in the dishwasher before calling it full, putting her own laundry in the machine after removing things like belts and used pads....

Kitty was slightly sick on Tuesday so missed a transition meeting at school (to decide what her goals are and what track she should be on in high school). Since I went alone the teachers decided to talk to me about Kitty's major hygiene issues. In short, she is just as conscientious about hygiene as she is about chores. So I said I'd bring clean undies, extra pads, and some of that alcohol based waterless hand soap which is great at killing underarm odor.

Kitty had no clean laundry on Wednesday so I made her do 3-4 loads (yes, she has too many clothes) and figured she could take it Friday.

Thursday morning Kitty asked to have her hair straightened with the Instyler. Bob pouted because that was "her thing" and Kitty didn't earn it. Bob has to behave well and do her chores. Kitty hadn't done that. I comforted Bob with the fact that Kitty would most likely never earn it again!

After school, I took Kitty for a haircut. She asked for a haircut exactly like Bob's. I let her because the girl's hair is so different that even with identical cuts they wouldn't look the same. (Bob's is long, fine and light brown. Kitty's is thick, curly, very dark and shorter).

Bob pouted the whole way home. I went to Bob and we talked about how much it bothers her that Kitty tries to copy her. I told Bob it means that Kitty thinks of Bob as what Kitty wants to be - popular, pretty and cool. Bob's friends had come with Bob and helped her pick out the perfect hair cut. Kitty doesn't have friends like that.

We talked about how this was like my childhood. I had a younger, pretty sister who was popular, a cheerleader and smart. My mom didn't let my sister do things in "my areas" so she wouldn't beat me (like horseback riding was my thing). I told Bob I could do what my mom did, but I didn't think it was the right thing to do. I pointed out that no matter what Kitty did, she wasn't going to be like Bob. They're too different. Bob was mollified.

That evening Kitty had a huge meltdown when I asked her to bring me an extra t-shirt and clean undies for her school hygiene pack. It could have been because she talked to some pre-adoption Nebraska friends on the phone, but most likely it was because she knew Bob was mad at her and might have overheard some of the conversation between Bob and I. Of course this happened right at bedtime so she went to bed late. Hubby talked to her for about 20 minutes.

The next morning Kitty brought me the hygiene stuff without an issue. *sigh*

Having teenage girls in the same grade is hard!

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