This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Why do you read this blog?

I have quite a few readers and a decent number of followers, but I don't know why you read this blog. I use it to vent, sometimes ask for advice, and to keep a few people (Grandma) up to date on what's going on in my life without having to talk about it in front of the kids. Mostly to get the words of affirmation I need that just isn't provided by my family (who speak different Love Languages or just don't like me very much -- RAD and teens need I say more?!)

I know I need a lot of support and don't want to burden the people in my life with carrying me. In real life I've always tried to keep the balance even. Sort of you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours. Whether that's altering their wedding dress, painting their living room, advising or just listening to them when they have concerns or problems... whatever they need.

When I started this blog I tried to make my stories entertaining, like how Bob got her name, or to share what worked for us, like the FAIR club or the Trust Jar. Over time I don't feel as entertaining and I don't know that I have any new advice (except maybe don't do what I do!). I think some of my friends read this blog and think, "There but for the grace of God..." or "Man, no wonder she's nuts." Some of you might be reading and hoping for some advice to help you with your own RAD kids.

I try to give you what I think you're looking for, but could you please make it easier on me and just tell me what that is? I'm not saying that whatever that is is all I would put on here, but at least it might alleviate my guilt if I know I'm including it here sometimes.




Kristina P. said...

Mary, I read because I care about you!

I think that for me, being a social worker, it's also helpful to get information from the point of view of the families I work with.

Miz Kizzle said...

I read your blog for the same reason I read Stephen King: it scares the hell out of me.
I have three children, a girl, 14, and two boys 19 and 21. They would never, ever, NEVER pull they kind of @&%# that some of your kids do. I'm only just beginning to learn about RAD and childhood mental illness and I'm fascinated -- and horrified-- by some of the things these kids do.
I guess it's a little bit of "there but for the grace of God..." but I'm also impressed by your determination to heal your kids and by your honesty. You're a very good mom and i really like your blog.

Anonymous said...

LOL about Miz Kizzle's first reason.

Mary, I love you. You're a good friend and I only want the best for you. I read you blog because I care about you.

I also read it because it helps me put perspective on my life (per Miz Kizzle's comment).

I also read it because it helps me be more forgiving and accepting of the people in my life who have any variety of "mental illnesses." For example, I have a neice who will never be able to cope in this world. And her mom, my sister, is in the throes of that reality. I told her the Penguin/Eagle analogy and she loves it.

You've opened up a whole new world to me that I previously had no exposure to.

You rock, Mary!

GB's Mom said...


I read your blog because I have been parenting these kinds of kids for 30 years and most of the time, its BTDT. You do a great job and sometimes you just need to hear it. And once in a while, I hear something I hadn't thought of, and I get to try it. Besides, in my neck of the woods, there aren't many people who understand what I do, never mind why I do it. In the blog world, I am not alone.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

It is always nice to have company walking a long journey...and parenting our kids, your kids, these kids, is indeed a looonnngggg journey!!!!

atlasien said...

I read because you've got a persevering attitude and you're honest about the problems you're dealing with as a parent! My son is only 7 but he has enough special needs that I worry about the teen years.

Sheri said...

I too read because you are real. You are honest and you are raw. I am that way too.

And I agree, it is a long journey we travel and it is nice to have some company who knows what we do is HARD.

I haven't read that long, but I know I will continue as long as you share. Thanks for doing what you are doing!

marythemom said...

They like me! They really really like me!

So far I'm hearing that I don't need to be funny or entertaining (although I'm sure that doesn't hurt).

Thanks guys!!

I really do need to hear this kind of stuff!


Unknown said...

I read your blog because it's nice to learn about how you handle things. It won't be long before I am facing the teenage years. Your blog gives me a lot of insight.

Jeri said...

I read your blog because it makes me know I'm not alone, I don't have to invent the wheel, there are others out there who truly do get it. I learn different parenting ideas because our radishes need a whole different perspective on parenting than our neuro-typicals.

Where else but other RADalicious mamas can one go to have people understand that your child can knock the crap out of you and you still love him? I mean, other than Jerry, I mean Dr.Phil. Of course, I meant Dr. Phil, I would never watch Springer! That would be like believing the National Enquirer! heehee

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

I honestly haven't been reading/following very long. I actually stumbled upon your blog through another that I faithfully read. I'm looking for God's honest truth from people who have been through the trenches.

:) Blessings!

Lisa said...

I found your blog thru another blog (can't remember which one - geez I'm shedding brain cells left and right with my RADishes, you can't expect me to retain anything, er, everything now lol). I continue to read because I absolutely relate to what you're saying. I tried joining a RAD online support group and it was this never ending cheerleader party with everyone being sickening sweet - and I just wanted to gag. No help whatsoever, just alot of "high fives" over nothing. I googled RAD one day and Large Adoptive Families and voila!! I found the blog kingdom (where I live as much as possible nowdays) and it has saved me. I am completely serious - reading your blog and the blogs of others with RAD kids, FASD kids, ADD, ODD, Aspergers, Bi-polar, etc. - a little alphabet soup dx - has SAVED me. I thought I was losing my mind. It has only been thru my reading that I've been able to recognize so...many other things in my kids that was really HURTING them (and the rest of the family). The fact that my daughter is using the EXACT same words to lie her way out of a situation that another mom's daughter is using (the same week even) in a little town across the country is affirmation that I am not going insane. I have a few kids who will look at me and lie, tell me that I didn't just hear what I know I heard, or see what I know I saw and after a long.... time of this (years), I thought I was going out of my mind. They saved all of their meanness for me and it took years for my dh to see it. I think he believed me when I told him what was going on, but he never saw it and he certainly couldn't understand it any more than I can. The older they get, the less hope I have for their futures and that terrifies me. I read to get inspiration, to nod and say, "Yep, that's right" and "You give 'em hell" when you're on a roll. Venting is REAL, our lives are (terrifyingly) REAL and I appreciate you bearing your soul to your readers - it helps me more than I can ever express!

Marty Walden said...

Lisa has it right on target. I read to know I'm not alone, not crazy, not losing my mind. Misery loves company, right? I read because there are tidbits of wisdom and strength in our postings, and it gives us courage to persevere. You go, girl!

Integrity Singer said...

i like that other people have a life that parallels mine. It feels like I'm window shopping, looking in at all the lovely and not so lovely things and mentally comparing it to the lovely and not so lovely things in my own home. It's comforting. It's real. It helps me find my place in this insane RAD/adoption/quasi parenting thing we do.

Anonymous said...

I read because you are the only person who ever comments on my blog.
As I read I learn so much about my eldest son, even if most of it is too late for him, it helps me understand.
I read because I care about you.
I read because I know *something* has hapened since the last time I read.
I read because I don't watch soap operas anymore.
I read because I like feeling like I can be useful to people, and for whatever reason you are currently blessed with my advice.
I read because I really want Bear to turn out better than my son has.
I read because you have a stunningly hard job and you shouldn't have to do it alone. (But don't ask me to unclog your toilets.)
Humor is nice when it happens. But I don't expect it!

The Accidental Mommy said...

Yeah, what the others said. I am new here too but mainly I like to read blogs that are real and that are honest. Which is quite frankly not funny or entertaining most of the time, the situations I mean. I think I just like to read about the day to day crap that other people wouldn't understand. Hope that makes sense!

Debbie said...

This is my first visit but I can tell you that I read blogs that are honest. Sounds like yours is. I love a personal connection.

Mom 4 Kids said...

I read your blog because you are a Mom who cares about her kids and us Moms have to stick together! I get insight too as to how to handle the older kid situations to come. You are very open about your own struggles as a person and a parent and that really does help me. Thanks Mary!

Becky said...

I started reading because my sons are adopted through foster care and display many of the same behaviors as your children. I don't feel so alone reading your blog. Some of what you say I use as advice and as an insight to ME (were very similar from what I can tell from your blog). All of this has also grown into caring about you and your family. I'm invested in your life now, kwim?

Anonymous said...

I read your blog because it's part of my online RAD mom support group. I need to hear how other moms do this, keep doing this, that sometimes you get SICK of doing this, that somehow you find the strength to KEEP doing this, etc, etc.

And because I like you, I really, really like you!

shastastevens said...

Count me in as officially on the bandwagon, Mary! We are a miserable group, and it helps knowing others are doing it and sometimes even how they are doing it.

Thanks for sharing, and please continue to do so. I value your experiences very much. said...

I read because I get it, I hear you and it is always good to support one another. You are real. For some reason your feed has not been coming in though and I just got 6 posts today!