Hubby will most likely just have to listen to the long version of this sometime when I have him trapped (like on the potty at night (don't tell him I told you that) - I love to talk to him then. That's when he gave me permission to paint the kitchen ceiling sapphire blue!
(FYI: The kitchen still has a blue ceiling, but no longer has blue roses on the walls. I painted over them and added crown molding. But you're seeing this picture because this was pre-adoption so the room actually looks fairly clean and uncluttered! *grin*)
Why my feelings are hurt (my long version)
- · I value Hubby’s opinion a lot and he rarely criticizes me (as in I can only think of twice including this one
- · I hate confrontation and discord
- · My mom was told she talked too much (she wasn’t treated for bipolar until she was an adult so she was often manic). She always made a big deal out of it being a bad thing. Deep down I believe her
- · I’m super sensitive to criticism (implied or otherwise) because past men in my life believed:
§ criticizing me was the best way to make me a “better person”
§ pointing what was wrong with my mom would keep me from being like her –at the time she was on the wrong meds - slept 18 hours a day, and taking tons of meds that caused her to be overweight
§ it terrified me to think that being mentally ill meant being like my mom – and I felt guilty for not wanting to be like the most nurturing woman I know
- · Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words leave deeper scars
- · I’m a perfectionist and don’t like being told I didn’t do it right
- · They’re not the first person to comment on this (though mostly guys) so they’re probably right and I do write too much
- · I wanted someone to tell me how I’m supposed to do things and they won’t
- · I write because I want acknowledgement and affirmation that I’m doing the right thing - by criticizing my e-mails they are denying me these things
- · They obviously don’t value me or my opinions if they didn’t even skim my e-mails
- · Means more work for me to fix this (finding a new therapist for one thing)
- · I’m overwhelmed by work and taxes and probably depressed – so I’m super sensitive.
- · If the therapist is right about my writing, then he’s probably right about me being too involved in Bear’s life. According to him I’m doing it all wrong anyway. He said I should leave all that stuff to the school, so why continue to communicate with the schools (beyond IEP meeting where we have to attend).
- · It makes me want to give up. Why am I even bothering trying with the kids. Kitty is probably as far along as she’s going to get, and Bear doesn’t seem to be improving no matter what I do. So why go to seminars or read books, blogs and list-serves?
You hurt me!(guy version – Notice there’s no feelings talk - because that will just be tuned out)
· Just apologize
· If you think it could possibly be a criticism - DON’T SAY IT!
· If I ask you a question like, “Does this make my butt look big?” “Or do you agree with that jerk of a therapist?” - LIE
· Tell me I’m doing a good job – OFTEN!
OR ELSE! … (you’ll have to do it yourself)