This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bear is dying!

Just thought you should know! Night before last he came to me saying his kidneys hurt. Oh, and apparently they've been hurting for weeks, but he just now got around to telling me! He "told Dad", but he only told Dad he was taping his ribs (still not sure how this helps?!).

Over a year ago he claimed to have passed something in his urine that we thought might be a kidneystone, but turned out to be a piece of plastic that probably wasn't passed through his body at all. A urinalysis turned up protein in his urine. More extensive testing showed no real concerns, but they did point out his kidneys were working harder than they should. We were told there was nothing we needed to do.

The doctor at the clinic is one we've seen a couple of times before. The first time I saw her was with Kitty when she read me the riot act about not having brought Kitty (who has asthma) in the minute she started showing symptoms of swine flu. I tried to explain she had identical symptoms to her sister who we had taken in two days before and been told it wasn't swine flu, AND I didn't know her mild asthma meant she was more at risk - especially since most of the symptoms she'd had had been vomiting and fever, not coughing or lung issues PLUS I'd brought Kitty in the minute I saw any respiratory distress at all. Kitty's blood showed almost perfect oxygenation so the doctor let it drop.

This time there was something wrong with the doctor. She walked very deliberately. She acted as though she was really mad and controlling herself, barely, or she was having to concentrate to keep her words from slurring. I knew the nurse had noted that Bear had shown symptoms for several weeks and I was afraid she'd think I was not taking care of my children. When she asked me, in front of Bear (who was in "sleep mode"), why I didn't bring him in sooner I said he had some emotional issues that had kept him from telling me that he was in pain.

We mentioned that he'd had issues before, but it was over a year ago, and I didn't remember much details beyond the initial protein in the urine and there was nothing we needed to do about it. Bear remembered and mentioned before we left about the overworked kidneys thing. I had called in advance to make sure Bear's records from his previous physician and the nephrologist were on file, but no one ever called me back. The doctor said they weren't there, and she wanted to use her own findings anyway. This really bugged me, I mean shouldn't they use the previous results as a baseline at least?

She asked Bear sweetly if he needed to urinate. He said no. She rallied for a moment and told Bear he needed to try. He got up to walk out and she stopped him and asked me to leave the room so she could ask him some questions he may not want to answer in front of his mom. They were in there a long time, after awhile a male nurse went in and came out. Eventually Bear left to go to the restroom. I don't know if they did an exam or not.

I hate that he's 17. Everything is so awkward. Legally I don't have a right to be in the room anymore (not that I wanted to be in for the part where I was asked to leave, but in general I could have been told to stay in the waiting room for the whole time). He totally demonstrated his issues this time in front of the nurse (he left it up to me to describe his symptoms, update his med list, and pretty much dissociated/slept unless I forced him to pay attention and answer - the nurse asked on a scale of 1 to 10 what was his pain level - and looked to me for an answer?!!).

I fear I look like a total busybody, bad parent ("forcing" my way into the care of an almost adult). I fear I look like a neglectful parent (not getting care for 3 weeks). I fear he'll say something that could cause them to investigate us for child abuse again. He doesn't even threaten stuff like that, but I can't just assume he won't do it, or even do it accidentally.

Apparently the urinalysis test results came back different than what the doctor expected so now she wants release forms signed to get his previous records. Until the results of the lab work come in she isn't prescribing any course of treatment. He can take ibuprofen for the pain.


Mom 4 Kids said...

Hugs to you!

Tudu said...

I get the "it's been hurting for a month" crap all the time. I'm clear each time a child complains about something, "Do you need meds or to see a doctor?". That way they can't say I didn't take them.