This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, September 27, 2010

More Good News / Bad News

Good news - we worked together as a family and helped my little sister and her husband move into their new house.

Bad news - Bear tried to keep up with Hubby and got heat exhaustion. (Vomiting and a trip to the ER the next day). He's still a mess and probably will take days to recover. He's rarely sick (probably from taking Amantadine all those years), but it won't surprise you that he doesn't do handle it well.

Good news - Little sis and her husband left behind a ton of furniture and stuff that didn't fit in their new house, and I got first dibs!!

Bad news - Now I've got a ton of furniture piled in my front room that I have to distribute around the house (and move out the old stuff), and Bear can't help me move it (he had some muscle breakdown and was told to stay inside and inactive). Hubby can't help either because he is teaching scuba all week so he doesn't get home until after 11pm.

Good news - I got lots of studying done this weekend while Bear had dental work.

Bad news - Kitty's somatic complaints are increasing. She threw up this morning (5th time since the beginning of the school year - no fever, and the symptoms go away fairly quickly). I sent her to school anyway, but felt guilty about it so told her she could call me if she needed to come home. *sigh* Substitute nurse. I had to pick her up early.

Good news - Bear and I had a fairly productive therapy session. We came up with yet another analogy (remind me to post about the inner circle) involving the level of supervision that Bear requires and what he needs to do to move past it (open up to us and talk about what's going on in his head so we can see if he's actually progressing). He admitted this would be really hard for him, but agree to do it! Because he was ill we spent a lot of time together and have talked more in the last couple of days (not including growling at me) than we have in months.

Bad news - to get to this point Bear had a minor meltdown (major in how it made me feel and how he usually gets now, but minor compared to the violent outbursts we used to experience when he first got here). He wanted to go to the football game and since I went to the RAD mom meeting Hubby was "single parenting." Right now he can only go places if he's under direct supervision of a caregiver (Hubby, Grandma, Poppy or me). The rule is if one of us is "single parenting" then the kids can't go really go anywhere.

Bear tried to manipulate, guilt, intimidate, offer alternatives (some girl's grandma I'd met once over a year ago would give him a ride)... when none of that worked he escalated to yelling, but quickly shut down. In the meantime, Kitty had a major meltdown and since my PTSD was triggered due to dealing with Bear, I was not able to emotionally regulate her so she escalated). Bear waited until she had calmed down to the point she was quietly crying on the kitchen floor while I tried to get something made for dinner before bedtime (didn't actually succeed), to try again. At this point I was exasperated with him and told him absolutely no and to quit trying. He stormed out of the house.

I called Hubby and had to have him come home early. Apparently Bear was sitting on the front porch (major difference from a few years ago when he would have run!). Hubby fussed at him and the meltdown continued a little, but of course he won't act out for Bear like he does for me. Bear is really starting to admit to his behavior toward me when he's talking to his therapist. It's very validating for me.


While he's suffering from heat exhaustion, we don't want Bear waiting outside and riding home on the unairconditioned bus so I decided I'd pick up Bear from the nurse's office. I wanted to confirm this arrangement with the nurse, (I later found out the lady I spoke to wasn't the nurse, but was instead a lady who worked in the office next door maintaining records). I told her what I wanted to have happen and she said she didn't want it done this way. I talked to her for a minute and it seemed her concern was that they closed the office pretty quickly after the final bell. I reassured her that I would be there in plenty of time, but just wanted him to be inside and supervised while he waited.

The lady insisted that he could wait just inside the main school doors. I told her I needed him supervised. She insisted that she knew him and "he's a good kid and doesn't need supervision." Seriously?!! I finally just told her, "there's a reason he's at the Special School" and dropped it. Who is she to argue with me about my son? Guess I'm just super sensitive, but this really irritated me. She didn't end up letting us pick him up in the nurse's office, but instead told us to wait out in the main hallway (with little Ponito and "sick" Kitty). *grr!*

1 comment:

GB's Mom said...

People like that just make life difficult. :(