This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

New job descriptions

Bob - I'm thinking of putting Bob on a Work/Study Program. She doesn't need the allowance (her savings are good), and her school work is often totally over the top due to her Advanced Placement classes. She can be given some floating chores that can be done on days when she doesn't have a lot of homework, or on weekends if she didn't get to them during the week (motivation! - as she hates doing chores on weekends). She'd get a lesser allowance because she'd only be working part-time.

Bear – Bear's debt is getting ridiculous. He owes $18 for the Zune, $95 for the repairs to the neighbor's lawnmower (which is still broken as the repairman apparently missed several things), not including the cost for the repair to our lawnmower and to replace all the wheels?! since we haven't actually paid to have it fixed yet, and now he owes $56 in library fines (he borrowed two cookbooks and they never made it back to the library). So $169 at a rate of $2-$4/week in allowance, probably less once the carrot of the Zune has been earned, would take him more than a year to earn. Since he's planning on leaving after his birthday (in 10 months)... well, you do the math.

So if this were his job, then he's not making enough to make ends meet so he needs a Second Job or to take extra shifts. Bear doesn't have much homework (except what he likes to drag out on the computer - he had one extra credit project that lasted 6 months!), so he's got lots of extra time he's been using for sleeping (dissociating/ isolating from the family). I figure he can pick up Bob's extra jobs.

Kitty - Kitty is already on an amended program. She has about half the chores, does them half as well, and gets half as much allowance. I think the step up in mandatory supervision should help her. Other than that, I think I'll leave it alone until the "probationary period" is over and then we'll see if she's ready for more. She desperately wants to drive a car, but that's not going to happen at the Junior/ Intern level.

Ponito - not sure what to do with Ponito. He can do the jobs, and he can do them well, but right now he's following in the footsteps of his older siblings and refusing and/or lying about doing his chores. Hubby thinks I'm being too hard on him, because no one else is doing their chores and they all lie about it, but I'm not grounding them. That's not really true though. Bear and Kitty are pretty much always "grounded." Bob is always in her room so she might as well be.

Ponito was behaving the most responsibly and had the most privileges. It's time to remove some of those and let him know that, "Yes, yes I do hold him to a higher standard." I guess he has a temporary demotion until he gets off probation, then he goes back to being Skilled Labor (?).

3 comments: said...

it's a struggle to know who is capable of what and who is just trying to get out of doing it. I love the descriptions of the jobs though and the job titles.

Anonymous said...

For us chores were not tied to allowance, except cleaning your bedroom. Chores were expected because you were part of the family and had to contribute to the maintenance of the family. Allowance was give to train them how to handle money. If their room was clean on the first thursday of the month, they'd get their allowance ($1 per year of life... an 11 y/o got $11/month.)

marythemom said...

Hi Denise!

Chores are complicated at our house. EVERYone contributes by doing chores -they are not really optional - so it is like your family does it. However, the abilities of everyone are sooo different and age as to how much money you can handle is definitely not accurate either for these guys.

Basically Ponito used to work harder than everyone else and therefore deserved to earn as much as or more than they did. I wanted to show the kids that hard work and dedication gets you what you want (more money). Kitty does practically nothing and does not deserve $15 (her age) nor is she really capable of understanding it yet (she is still basically operating at about a 4-6 yr old level in most ways). Same with Bear, plus I have to worry about what he'd spend that much money on.

Sounds like you gave allowance monthly too, most of my kids are not able to think long term like that. Which is what stinks most about not being able to hand out real money for allowance, and instead do what we've been doing (keeping it all in "savings" for them).

Thanks for commenting! I've missed you!