This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, November 11, 2010


"So how long have you had this unhealthy aversion to drinking from the toilet..."

I don't know how I feel about this psychiatrist. Bear was in an extremely surly mood after being forced to sit in ISS all day (in school suspension). The pdoc asked how things were going, and of course Bear said, "Fine." Smart pdoc dug a little and asked how school was going.

At first Bear just said, "Boring," but the pdoc specifically asked about referrals so Bear mentioned the one he got for "sharing an apple." (Dropped it to another student from a second story balcony into a hallway full of people). I hintingly cleared my throat. Bear chose to ignore me. I suggested he might want to mention the current issue. Bear said it was irrelevant (not his word) and had nothing to do with meds. I suggested we leave it up to the pdoc, since it suggested a lack of impulse control that his meds can address. The pdoc wanted to know too so he could decide for himself. Bear refused to tell, but finally said I could if I had to.

The pdoc said it had nothing to do with impulse control (which is BS! The initial event was obviously impulsive and all the rest happened to cover it up), and there were no meds he could recommend, then he promptly made a change to one of Bear's meds.

While he was entering stuff into the computer we all chatted a bit. The pdoc brought up the author Tobias Wolff who wrote his memoirs in This Boy's Life (later made into a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio as Wolff). More specifically the pdoc brought up the time when as a young teen Tobias Wolff and his friends would take the parking brake off parked cars at the top of big hills and watch the cars go crashing to the bottom of the hills, hitting other cars. Even Bear's caseworker protested the pdoc "giving Bear ideas," but the pdoc just said, "Bear already has ideas." Apparently his point was that this misguided, abused teen became an excellent writer, and that Bear had this capability.

The pdoc told another story with a good idea for mischief in it, but I don't remember what it was.

All Bear wanted to talk about was how he didn't want the school to help him get a job (they're talking about getting him life skills classes) and he didn't even want them to teach him anything. He wanted to drop out of school and get his GED. What he really wanted was to go back to the way things used to be (100-200 years ago!) so he wouldn't have to go to school and could hunt and fish in his "butt-flap" all day (Bear is part Native American).

I had to listen to Bear rant all the way home. It triggered my PTSD pretty badly.

Bear is refusing to go to the IEP (ARD) meeting today, because he's "already missed too much class (English)" and this is a hard class for him. We'll see if he shows up. I've found if you just ignore his protests he tends to go anyway. He's defiant, but not that defiant most of the time.

This should be an interesting ARD. We're supposed to be talking about:
  • Bear's transition to life after high school (what he's going to be when he grows up)

  • Bear's IEP - including one for Behavior

  • His placement for the next semester (does he continue at the special school and for how much of the day?)

  • We plan to ask for a parent/teacher conference with his regular high school teachers to talk about how best to help Bear (not letting him leave the classroom without an escort, reporting when he doesn't return, tardies, manipulations, breaking projects into smaller components...).

I'll keep y'all posted.


The Accidental Mommy said...

Oh my gosh, the story of running cars off a parking ramp...... Yeah okay, I'm sure Bear already has idea's but there was a good chance he didn't have THAT idea yet!

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

I'm with Essie on that one. He had ideas, but not THAT one. Pdoc needs to tread cautiously, and has obviously been told that...maybe time for a new pdoc?

GB's Mom said...

Ya think?

Joy in Belgium said...

I did it! I read the entire blog from start to finish! :) I can't believe the pdoc would give Bear MORE ideas! Who would tell ANY teen boy these thing!?

Reighnie said...

Don't you love it when these people talk out of their butt?

They don't live with the kid, some don't even bother to ask the situation and then they go and say something stupid and send us on our way to deal with it.

I can only imagine where your PTSD was already sending you thanks to the pdoc's lil stories before having to sit in the car with Bear.

Sometimes I wish these people who are supposedly trained for this stuff would think before they speak.

Miz Kizzle said...

What the hell was the Pdoc thinking? Bear doesn't need to hear about boys wrecking cars for fun.
I had to laugh about the "butt flap." Both my grandmothers were First nation Canadians and from what I've been able to tell, life was HARD back in the day. Hunting and fishing all day sounds like fun until it's twenty below and the wind is whipping across the plans like an insane banshee and there is no game to hunt and the fish are way down deep beneath the ice. Then it's no fun; it's survival at its most basic.
But I don't supposed Bear has given this much thought.
BTW, the "sharing an apple" story is also pretty darn funny.

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder about the Bear butt-flap thing. I mean, he won't ever take off the pants over the shorts over the two pairs of boxers. And he thinks he's going to bare all and wear just a butt flap?

And yea, it was hard, but the natural consequences of not bothering to go fishing were pretty clear. No mom to blame on that one.

On the car story. At least cars are locked better these days.

marythemom said...

Yea I'm frustrated with the pdoc, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave MHMR with all the services that go with it. I think I'll start looking though.

Hi Joy! I thought I was the only one who read people's entire blogs!

STS - He he! Bear with his butt flap over his multiple layers!! LOL!

As for the fishing thing, he'd blame that on me anyway! Not of course that he's thought it through at all.