This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, November 26, 2010

30 days of truth

I found this on someone else's site, and she didn't know where it came from. I'm not planning on doing it day by day, but I will probably make a stab at it. I have a feeling that with some alterations it's going to end up as a FAIR Club assignment.

The list:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

My answers:


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I'm a procrastinator... big time. It's probably because I'm a little depressed, but I really want to get up off my bootie and off my computer. (I actually started this post weeks ago!)
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

I'm generous.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Procrastinating doing things for and with my kids.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Most of the time I'm OK with it, but I still can't fully forgive my dad for not being what I needed him to be when I was a child. It makes having a trusting relationship with God and men very difficult for me.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

There's that bucket list again. Hmm... I always wanted to go to Paris.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Attend the funeral of a child.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Hubby

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like sh*t.

Bear

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Pretty much every friend I've ever had.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Tough one. I'll go with an easy one. Loud Lady (the annoying Special Ed lady who is always saying Bear's behavior is "just typical teenage boy" and preventing access to services.)

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

My writing skills. Actually it's probably my cooking, but only because this is the easiest way for me to teach the kids to speak my love language so I make them.

Day 12 -> Something you never get compliments on.

House cleaning


Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Martina McBride,


Thank you, thank you, thank you for your song, Anyway. I sing it often when I feel discouraged and unappreciated when working with my tweens and teens.


Thanks,

Mary


Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)


My Daddy was my hero when I was a little girl. As I got older I started seeing his flaws and humanity. We did not share the same love languages.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

CHOCOLATE and my COMPUTER

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Debt collectors


Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

A Case For Christ - I'd already started to investigate no longer being an atheist, but this book answered a lot of my questions and solidified my decision to become a Christian again.


Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.


I believe marriage is a good idea, especially before having kids. I don't know how single parents do it.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I'm not interested in politics. I'm the ultimate apathetic American, but at least I don't complain about the problems. I feel a little guilty about it. If I voted I'd be a liberal tree hugger. I'd probably always vote for any women option - I think women are 50% of the population so should be represented in politics as such.


Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I do have an occasional drink, but I wish it were possible to get rid of all illegal drugs, and I'd be happy to stop drinking if we could get rid of alcohol completely too.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Rush to the hospital immediately, and see what I can do to help.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

There are a lot of things I wish I hadn't done, but not many I'm willing to put on the internet.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I'd been a bit braver, and done some things I was too afraid/ wimpy to do.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)


I can only Imagine, Anyway, My Father's House, Christmas Shoes... these are some of my favorite songs, and I love sharing them.


Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.


Because my mom loved me and selflessly took care of me.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?


I had suicidal impulses as a teen. That was when my bipolar disorder first started showing. I was pretty miserable.


Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Hubby is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Honestly it would be a miracle because I had a tubal ligation, but I would be ecstatic. I love babies.
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
I want to get more sleep. It makes me cranky and I don't get as much out of life.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Dear Me,
I am a warm, generous person who has so many people who love me, even though I don't always think I deserve it. I would be on Santa's nice list. I'm smart. I'm pretty, and by golly, people like me! My kids love me too, and it's because of me that they're able to do that.
Thanks, hugs and prayers,
Me

5 comments:

Struggling to Stand said...

Bravo to you for doing this! When I read the list of questions I thought no way could I face even thinking about some of those answers.

marythemom said...

Thanks STS, I feel like I wimped out on some of them. It didn't help that about 5 of my longer answers were lost in cyber space and I had to rewrite them.

This, and especially the pregnancy question, gave me REALLY weird dreams the last couple of nights. In my dream I was walking around with Ponito as an infant for most of the dream. There was also a really weird part where I (you might not want to read the rest of this comment)...

pulled about 20 feet of mucous "rope" out of my nose while trying to hide what I was doing under a blanket... sorry about the visual image. I did warn you.

Mary

Struggling to Stand said...

I just don't even know how to interpret that one! 20 feet = there isn't any cutting that cord?

Last night I dreamt (again) about wanting a baby girl. At least this time the baby in my dream had a wet diaper. (I'm glad some reality is making its way into those dreams.)

marythemom said...

It was embarassing but I didn't want to stop pulling because I wanted it all out of me!

Baby dreams - I wonder if you want a fresh start? The dirty diaper might be that you know that even a fresh start wouldn't be perfect.

Mary

Struggling to Stand said...

So then I think your dream was at least a little about Bear.

My baby dreams? My love language is touch. Without a baby, I can go days without meaningful touch around here. Sometimes I worry that without a baby I don't have a strong enough reason to stay alive.

Realistically, I know that being pregnant would probably kill me, and I'm on meds that would almost guarantee birth defects. Not to mention I've got 4 bio kids who qualify as special-needs, so I was never a good place to start a life.