This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Why Bear is in the FAIR Club

Kids "wrestling" in Grandma's yard. Hopefully Bear has no idea here that Ponito was hurt, but more than likely he was trying to comfort Ponito. Bear just doesn't get that he's so much bigger than the little guy, and Ponito just doesn't get that Bear doesn't have the greatest body awareness and Ponito's safety isn't his first priority. It's like a lion cub playing with a newborn kitten.

Reasons why Bear is in the FAIR Club:

  • He skipped class (walked out and never went back) - this is huge after last school year when he was tardy or skipped 3-4 classes a week. He was warned that unlike last year, there would be immediate consequences.

  • He missed his bus (this is the second time in less than 2 weeks) - he was warned that unlike last year there would be consequences.

  • He did not immediately call to say he'd "missed his bus." So I had no idea where he was or that he needed to be given a ride home (normally we drop everything and go get him).

  • He was unsupervised for almost 3 hours at school. Worse, he was unsupervised in shop where there is lots of equipment and things he's never been given safety lessons regarding. (We're assuming this is where all of his injuries came from). The school is freaking on the liability for this one.

  • I did not know where he was and I was very worried. There was no way to find out if he was hurt or in trouble.

  • He rode home in a car with a teenager I didn't know, who has been driving for an unknown period of time. This seems minor in comparison, but it is against family rules.

  • He was home unsupervised for 1/2 an hour or so. In the past he has used this as an opportunity to steal, including getting into medication (which he took to school - presumably to sell).

Most importantly:

He lied.

A lot.

He lied about what happened, where he was, and who he was with.

He apparently expected his friend to lie for him too.

He lied to the police officer.

He wrote a sworn statement that was a total crock of lies. This is the part that will get him a ticket - a Class B misdemeanor. Which means 0-90 days in jail and/or a $500-1500 fine.

Assuming that "A" really exists, he could have gotten A into real trouble with the police.

He lied to the school administrator.

He lied to the SRO (police officer assigned to the school). He told the police officer a LOT of lies. Not just about this event.

When confronted by us and his therapist, he lied some more. (Actually at this point this is part of his illness and I do not know that he even knows the real truth anymore).

Side note: He was told on Wednesday that his Horseman team would not be attending the final game of the year. For some reason the team had decided the week before that for homecoming and the rest of the football season they had to have black felt hats instead of the white ones they'd been wearing. I wasn't able to get him a hat for Homecoming and there wasn't a game the next week. All week I've been looking for an inexpensive hat, but couldn't find one. Thursday evening, after all this happened, Bear told Hubby he HAD to have this hat for school the next day. He'd said he had a friend that worked at a nearby boot store (that carries cowboy hats) who would get him a discount. Apparently that was a lie too.

Bear and Hubby left the house after the police officer left (after 8:30pm) so we had about 5 minutes to celebrateThe hat cost $70 instead of the $40 he'd claimed it would. Hubby bought him the hat. He wore it to school the next day. Hubby found out about the activity being cancelled and Bear knowing for 2 days and still asking for the hat. Since this was the last game of the season he wouldn't need it again. This was one immediate consequence. Bear had to put the hat in our bedroom along with his Zune. Don't know how long he loses them for, that's up to Hubby.

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