This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Big Fat Liar

So we made it through a second day of Kitty coming to work with me - barely. Because of the doctor's appointment we didn't get to work until 11:30am! Almost not worth going, but silly me, I let Kitty leave her workbooks in the office. At least we were still home when they turned the power off so we found out about it quickly and were able to get it turned back on before the food all went bad.

20 minutes of school work before lunch. Well, sort of, she kept bugging me to let her write a report, or take a break because she was STARVING! When we stopped for lunch she was very cuddly - sitting right up against me and even putting her head on my shoulder while we watched TV and ate.

After an hour long lunch ending at 1pm she started work again. Her mouth didn't stop moving, but her hands often did. She babbled on about everything and nothing. At 1:30pm she needed a break and really wanted to just stop. I allowed her a 30 minute break to wash a few dishes - our lunch dishes mostly and watch 1/2 hour of TV. She cam back and worked for 30 minutes (with a lot of assistance and pushing on my part. At 2:30pm she decided she was done for the day! I told her she needed to keep going because she'd missed all morning. She argued and worked a little until 3pm - then she said school was out! I told her fine, then this was homework! Needless to say that did not go over well.

When I was helping her understand spots as she was having trouble with them, I would look back at previous pages. She openly admitted she just guessed because she didn't understand it. She does corrections, then immediately takes the test. When she finished the self-test on one workbook I told her the teacher had told her to go on to the next. She explained that she didn't want to go any further because then she would forget it all when she took the test. If she failed the test she'd have to repeat the workbook; therefore, she refused to work in the next workbook because she'd forget what she'd "learned" in it by the time she started working in it again.

She also argued that the teacher had told her to do just a little in the new workbooks. I had talked to the teacher on the phone, and she'd told me she wanted Kitty to go as far as she could because she's SOO behind. Kitty (deliberately?) had left her homework assignment at school last week, so when I told Kitty what the teacher had said, she accused me of being a liar. I know this is part of her attachment issues, but it gets SOO old. I asked her if I had ever lied to her (a risky proposition) in the 2 years I've known her. She, of course, brought up the Santa issue. I clarified that in the 2 years she's known me that the fact that I won't tell her Santa doesn't exist makes me a big fat liar. Yup! She would rather believe her beloved teacher who can do no wrong, over her me anyday. *sigh* I know this is part of her illness, but that doesn't always make me feel better.

I know she's having trouble processing all school work too. The vocabulary is gobbledygook to her, and I'd bet she is putting what little she understands in her short-term memory. I can't believe that if you asked her about something on the two workbooks she has managed to complete this year, that she would have one clue what they are about. She's doing 5th grade workbooks. I don't think she can go much further than this.

After 3:15 she refused to do any more work (even though I told her we were leaving at 3:30 to get to her dentist on time). We spent the next 25 minutes arguing. She refused to do school work, hates our family, wants to go back to Nebraska, wishes she'd never met us, threatened to cut herself and her hair, threatened to go "emo".... I fluctuated between commiserating with her, calming her down, arguing with her, threatening to keep her out of school even longer, rationalizing, and stopping her from hurting herself.... Toward the end, Hubby came in to help me deal with her and I passed the baton for awhile. At the end she'd argued long enough not to have to do anymore school work. She happily got in the car to go to the dentist - as if the last 30 minutes never happened.

The dentist fixed her chipped tooth and we rushed home to grab some dinner and head off to EMDR therapy. I waved at Ponito, first time I'd seen him all day - no quality time for us today - at least I got to kiss him goodnight. Bear lay on the sofa feeling badly but never threw up, I did get to have a 5 minute conversation with him before bed while he was talking on the phone to a friend (he likes to bring me in on conversations while I'm cleaning the kitchen - I guess his friends aren't entertaining enough). Bob was feeling 100% better and making Hubby crazy - she was "too sick" to do her chores though.

EMDR therapy was a "not tough" session (we alternate). After the session the therapist and I talked about Kitty's upcoming ARD/IEP meeting which is just for us to agree to getting her tested. The therapist believes that Kitty's current behavior is NOT her PTSD and not that her ADHD meds are not working any more. Instead she thinks it might be mania. Kitty is already on 3 meds that could also be used for bipolar disorder, but we discussed the fact that these might not be working on the part of her brain chemistry that is off-balance. We just saw the psychologist last week, but I've put in a call to see if we can try Kitty on Lamictal. The therapist really wishes we could get a brain scan by a neuro psychologist so see if Kitty has any damage like Bear's Cerebral Dysrythmia, but I know our health insurance won't pay for that.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

With her ADHD why is she stuck writing in workbooks all day long? What subjects are these? You can do any subject with manipulatives; I don't get why there's so much workbook work.