This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, January 5, 2009

On the fifth day of New Year

On the fifth day of the New Year my daughter gave to me, five (thousand) golldurn whines!

Four good things from therapy,

three half-hearted "I love you"s,

two five minute conversations,

and 7 hours of waiting blearily!

Yup she's home! We got a call at 10:30am that Kitty was ready for release. SAY WHAT?!!! "Yes, and could you please pick her up before 1pm?" Turns out that in their tiny little minds they have solved the problem. They have completely removed the anti-depressant (as of this morning no more doses) and they have increased her Geodon by 60%! How did they do that without increasing her med dose you ask? Why by giving her half her dose in the morning, instead of all of it at night, and by telling us she should be taking it with food. Not taking it with food decreases it's effectiveness to 40% (although we usually give it to her at bedtime and this is rarely more than 30 minutes from a meal or snack - we eat dinner late).

I thought Hubby was going to bust a blood vessel, and he was driving - not good! I talked to the social worker, nurse and a doctor. Long story short, she's exhibiting no symptoms (of course not - "all" her issues are at home!) and at any rate her remaining problems are not curable by medication so they sent her home. *sigh* After yesterday's family therapy session this came as a total shock.

We picked her up at 12:30pm, more sitting around and a little paperwork. Have I mentioned how much sitting in small rooms with nothing to look at that we've done in the last 5 days? No evaluation forms for us (although Kitty got one). I'm hoping they mail us one. If they're smart they won't.

Kitty misses her BFFs already! Luckily she complied with their no exchanging contact info rule. All she can talk about is how much better it was at "Camp Crazy" (tacky nickname I know, but "Club Med." was taken and they didn't really give her any new medications). She misses the food, the sugary snacks, the other kids, the TV shows, the staying up late.... ALL her new BFFs agree that we're the meanest, strictest parents ever! I tried pointing out that all of those kids' parents might be more lenient, but they still ended up in a mental hospital and therefore weren't the best role models! Admittedly she got me on that one by pointing out that she was there too. So I pointed out she wasn't a good role model for herself either! (So there! *phhbpt!*)

She wanted to go out to dinner somewhere special - her choice. Uhhh, no?! She's only been gone 5 days, and in that time we have not miraculously become any less broke. We saw her every day so this is not a special celebration. Plus, I was already heartily sick of her attitude.

Poor Grandma. I had called her to warn her that Kitty would be coming home with us after work, and that I hadn't had time to finish getting her room cleaned out and her laundry done. I had mentioned yesterday that I was thinking of replacing Kitty's "curtain" with a couple of twin bed sheets that matched her room (purple), because the light lavendar floral double bed sheet (that was replacing the expensive honeycomb shades she'd "accidentally" broken months ago) was too light colored, too florally, and really bothered her. Grandma decided to buy new sheets for Kitty's curtains. The only colors they had though were all light colors too. Except the black sheets she ended up purchasing and preparing for curtains (I didn't know this until after my meltdown though). Sorry Grandma!

After sitting in the office all afternoon listening to Kitty whine and complain and be completely unable to be quiet for just one minute while I read an important document;
being trapped in the car the whole way home, listening to Kitty moan and bellyache about how awful we are in comparison to Camp Crazy and the parents of her BFF's
listening to how much she missed our pets (not the family, just the pets);
lightly touching her back as she stood in the walkway of the family room only to have her violently shrug me off and move away (ensuing discussion of how she "hates to be touched" - followed by my comment that it only bothers her sometimes)
hurrying upstairs to try to deal with the 8 loads of her laundry that I did manage to get clean;
get the entire linen closet folded and out of her room (don't know why every sheet and comforter in the entire house ends up in her room)
getting some of Kitty's now clean laundry hung up in her closet, only to have the closet rod break

I was just tired of it all.

I came downstairs to find Grandma working on black curtains - for my depressed daughter... who wants to be emo... who just got out of a mental hospital... who ended up "attempting suicide" partly because I insisted she couldn't block out all the light in her room... And I just lost it. I started to argue with Grandma, realized she'd had good intentions and was already almost done with her gift, and just left the room. I went and hid in the bathroom for a little while. Finished the last chapter of the Dick Francis novel I got myself for Christmas.

Took a deep breath, went down and worked on dinner a little (luckily Hubby cooked Baked Lemon Chicken - yum!) all I had to do was make the specially-ordered Fried Rice - not that any of dinner turned out to be what she wanted. Kitty did come find me, gave me a hug, and apologize for her behavior. I then ran to the grocery pharmacy to pick up some meds we were about to run out of.

I decided to call my neighbor to see if she wanted to escape her brood for a few minutes and go with me, but she couldn't. This neighbor is one of Kitty's teachers at the private school so of course I told her that Kitty was home. Turns out my neighbor was going to have to substitute in another classroom tomorrow so Kitty's other teacher was going to be alone in a classroom of 10+ teenagers all on their first day back from 2 week Christmas break, all doing corrections from all the catch-up work, and my Kitty. I told her I would understand if she felt it was too much. My neighbor called the principal and they very politely agreed it would be best to wait until the following day.

So Kitty is coming to work with me tomorrow. I told her tonight (with an explanation of all that would be going on in the classroom). She wanted to stay with Grandma tomorrow, but that seems like a really bad idea. Plus, poor Grandma only got maybe one day off this whole Christmas break. We need to give the poor sainted woman a break.

Hopefully I will be able to arrange a therapy session with one of her therapists soon! Since she won't be in school tomorrow they might have available appointments during the day.

I apologize for the novels I've been writing lately (always?). I know they are full of run-on sentences and are probably confusing. Rest assured that I fully intend for this to be the last "verse" in this particular song. I hope you find that comforting! *grin*

I also never check my spelling and grammar which I know must frequently get annoying. Thank you for reading and commenting anyway. It really helps me to have a place to vent!

Hugs and prayers,


Anonymous said...

Well first of all, it's YOUR blog so you don't have to appologize for anything!

Big hugs (((Mary.))) I couldn't live your life. It's a miracle you and hubby don't have breakdowns every other day.

When do the kids start back at the public school? I know you love this private school, but I can't imagine a teacher who can't handle 10 kids. I regularly have classes of 27-30 middle schoolers... actually any grade K-8, and the kindergarteners are the hardest. When all but ten are gone it's a picnic! And the thought of all those workbook pages at their ages... the whole thing just doesn't sound like they're teaching the whole child. But I'm not here to criticize the school because I'm sure I don't have the big picture.

I love that you're posting every day, it's nice to keep in touch with you this way.

marythemom said...

The girls start at public school when the next semester starts, January 20th.

The private school teacher can certainly handle 10 kids (6th through 11th grade), but it is going to be a hectic day. Not what an easily overwhelmed Kitty needs, and Kitty requires a lot of one on one on the best days.

I would say more than half of the middle school/ high school kids in Kitty's and Bob's learning center have ADHD or Aspergers or something similar (although Kitty is most definitely the most severe with her multiple diagnoses). I don't know how doing workbooks almost all day works either, but it obviously does. Possibly because they can switch subjects as often as they like? No one cares if they do one page of math, one page of English, one of social studies... and then repeat as long as the work gets done.

Bob does her math on the computer and takes Latin with several other children using a lecture method (not Kitty we pulled her from that). They have PE 3 times a week and recess. It seems to work well.

I'm dreading the day public school starts. Bob has a lot more self-confidence now and I'm sure she'll be fine (especially if I chant that over and over), but Kitty?! If she can't handle 10 kids in a quiet room, what is going to happen in public school?

Well at least now I have one more thing to take to the IEP meeting.

Thanks for the hugs! I can always use those.


Lisa said...

Hugs Mary!!!!