This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

On the sixth day of the New Year

On the sixth day of the New Year my daughter gave to me, six seconds of stillness

five (thousand) golldurn whines!

Four good things from therapy,

three half-hearted "I love you"s,

two five minute conversations,

and 7 hours of waiting blearily!

So tonight we had a repeat of New Year's Day, but this time we knew better than to bother to call anyone, and just kept going. *sigh*

Kitty came to work with us today. We were there for 30 minutes in which she wiggled around and didn't do more than open one of her workbooks, and whine and complain. Her EMDR therapist was willing to meet with her, so I threw some food in her (she's been "starving" all the time since she got home and begging for pizza, junk food and sugary snacks! Which is what she's "used to."). After many pointless therapy sessions in which she spent the whole time complaining she was hungry, I knew to give her food before we left (yet she still complained she was hungry and ate a ton of the therapist's dried blueberries - that the therapist was nice enough to share). She colored and ignored us most of the time. Totally wasted session.

We got back to work, ate lunch (after which she was still hungry - for cookies, candy, chips...), and then she said she needed a nap. I let her sleep for 45 minutes. 5 minutes before I had to go in a meeting I woke her up and made everyone wait on me while I tried to get her started on her schoolwork, but of course she had to go to the bathroom. I told her to get straight to work when she came back.

Apparently she did one or two pages in her workbook and then decided to "make a plan" for how she was going to finish her workbook pages over the next week. Apparently this required over an hour's worth of "math" calculations (not taking into account that she needed to do corrections on the work she'd completed, take tests, and would have more pages assigned). I came back into the room from my meeting to find that she'd done 3 pages all day! Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.

We had 1/2 an hour before we left for the day. She spent it arguing with me that if she did any schoolwork today it would mess up her calculations! Plus, she didn't understand it. It was too hard. She's retarded (she's not!). Only Ms. W can explain it right... Her mouth never stopped moving, her body never stopped wiggling, her attitude never stopped either. I got a "wee bit" frustrated with her.

I called and left a message for the psychiatrist that we would like her ADHD med increased (something mentioned by the hospital).

On the way home I informed her that she would have plenty of time to get a little more work done when we got home. That quite frankly I wasn't sure she was ready, and our original agreement was that she would have all the catch-up work completed before she went back to school. I knew that it was too late to finish it all, but she could at least finish us some of the workbooks that only had a few pages left.

At home she informed us that there was no way in he*ck* that she was going to do anymore work. She tried to run away from Hubby and barricade herself in her room. He was having none of it. He stood in her room to keep her safe. She escalated higher and higher. Tried to jump out the window, ran downstairs, tried to lock herself in the bathroom again, tried to run outside, yelled and cursed, put her mouth on me to bite me (but didn't), said over and over she wanted to go back (to Camp Crazy) and wanted to go home (to Nebraska). Lot of crying, lots of angst and drama. *sigh* I'd say we're right back where we started, but really we're worse off.

Now she has a new goal. She wants to go back to Camp Crazy.

I know her meds are still not right. I know Camp Crazy is pointless. I know I have 2 weeks before she goes to public school for the first time in 1 1/2 years. I know she can't stay at the private school. I know if she can't handle private school that there is no way she can handle public school. I know she has 2 weeks before biomom comes to town and public school starts. I still haven't told her about school or biomom. I was going to wait until the end of Christmas break to tell her about school, but I think we can safely say she was not ready. I guess we'll wait until after the IEP meeting when we know more about what services she'll be receiving (plus it's a good "reason" for not telling her before then)

I talked to the AT and she wants to talk about biomom's visit in the next session (Tuesday). Biomom's visit is the day before the new semester starts, which is when Kitty starts public school. Great timing, huh?! I'm sooo excited about explaining to Kitty why Bear will get to see biomom and Kitty won't. (He's older, he didn't just get out of a mental institution, his therapist agrees that he's at a stable point in his life and can handle it). I know she may never forgive me for this. I'm tired of making these kinds of decisions. I hate being in a lose/lose situation.

Better go write an e-mail to the private school and let them know Kitty is still not ready to return. I'm so excited about having her at work with me! (If I say it often enough maybe I'll believe it!).

I'm so excited about having her at work with me!

I'm so excited about having her at work with me!

I'm so excited about having her at work with me!

I'm so excited about having her at work with me!

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