This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What to do?!

Not sure how much more I can take.

Kitty is still not stable. Every day she has a meltdown (or three). Today she was vocal about not wanting to do it (and how nobody cares about her), but actually did her school work (she had been told she definitely could not go back to school if she doesn't). No school tomorrow either though.

She is also constantly hungry and demanding sugary sweets (it's actually pretty common for her to ask for things she can't have when she is trying to distract herself from stuff she's upset about). We eat a very health conscious diet. No real limits on food, but almost everything available is whole wheat, low fat and low sugar, lots of fruits and veggies. Kitty constantly wants us to take her out to eat and to go buy her junk food (how do you convince a child you have NO money without scaring her). She is constantly talking about how she is “used” to sweets and junk food (after only 5 days).

Finally got hold of her psychiatrist and requested that we try upping her ADHD meds (was suggested by the psychiatric hospital). We'll pick up the new prescription tomorrow, and she can start it Friday morning. The psychiatrist said it depends on why she's acting this way. If it really is the ADHD, then this should make things better. If it's the bipolar disorder, then this will make things much worse.

Work is really stepping up. All my hiding and vegging on the internet is no longer possible. I really hope this means the money is going to start coming in. Having Kitty at work everyday is very difficult. She can't be quiet (singing, whining, fussing), she can't stop complaining, and she doesn't want to be there or do her schoolwork so she is often arguing at a level the whole building can hear.

Took Bear to therapy to discuss biomom's visit. We will be working on a list of ground rules for biomom that I will send to her. Luckily the therapist had two appointments available on that day. Biomom will meet with therapist, and then Hubby, therapist and I. We'll take a break for lunch (separately), pick up Bear and then meet up again in the therapist's office.

The therapist added to the warnings that Kitty is not going to easily understand why she can't see biomom. He suggested that Kitty's therapist might want to meet with biomom. He also suggested that Kitty might want to make a list of things that she wants me to ask biomom about. This seems like something good to offer Kitty. I just know she's going to be upset no matter what we do. Maybe I should just let her see biomom, after making sure biomom agrees to follow some ground rules, and then deal with the fall out.

I still don't know if I'm making the right decision here. If only the timing were different. Kitty starts public school the day after biomom's visit. I'm half tempted to say we could do it anyway. She hasn't seen biomom in over 4 years. (Biomom snuck in to see Bear's games and practices, practically stalking him, so he saw her last 2 years ago, just before he moved to Texas). She didn’t have that kind of opportunity with Kitty that I know of. Bear is pretty adamant that he is not emotionally bothered by any of this. He really has matured. His RAD is definitely showing though he appears to be completely unemotional about biomom, and talks about how little time he spent with her as he was growing up.

Kitty's ARD (IEP meeting) to discuss available services for her when she starts public school) will be on Friday the 16th. Biomom comes Monday the 19th. Public school starts Tuesday the 20th.


Lisa said...

Wish I could help.

I'm sorry.....

Anonymous said...

I will keep you in my prayers, as always.

"Aim high in steering" ...meaning keep your head up and look ahead. This will get figured out and you'll come out on the other side. You'll be exhausted, but you'll be wiser and stronger because of the experience. You can do this.

Big hugs...