This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Biomom visit

So here are the pictures taken with Biomom during her meeting with the children. Notice Bear's half-asleep expression. That's one of his avoidance techniques. I was surprised he had allowed this 1/2 hug. He had insisted in the ground rules that she was not allowed to touch him. Notice my children's hands. Look how stressed they are.
I was surprised at how much they look like Biomom, since I think my kids don't look a whole lot alike. Now I'm REALLY curious as to what their biofathers look like. For Kitty I guess we'll never know. For now, despite repeated attempts, Bear has lost contact with his biodad. Biomom thinks he might be in jail again. She doesn't keep in contact with him though.
Here is the letter Biomom sent to me after the visit. I had sent Biomom the Christmas pictures of the kids. In return she sent me copies of the pictures taken at the meeting (there were a few more). They were labeled "My family 060" "My family 062"... Sometimes it's the little things that bother me.
Dear Mary,
I was very please with the way the visits went. I am so glad that it had taken place. I did not leave there feeling empty inside. I felt that I did the right thing. I felt in my heart that the kids are exactly where they needed to be. I wasn't too surprized about how (Kitty) acted, it had been a long time to see me and it was a bit nerve racking.....And the visit with (Bear) was alright. I was very pleased, I know it did hurt when I left. But I knew in my heart it was alright. Mary, you and (Hubby) are so much more than I expected and I want to tell you THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, the kids mean alot to me and I know now that they are being taken care of.
The Christmas pictures are so nice. thank you for sending them to me. I did worry for a few days now, how well the kids did after the visits.

You know as far as the friend in Indiana (the friend she was staying with when she met Kitty's bio father) I don't know where they are now. I tried to find them about 1 month ago, when I was out there but came up with nothing. Surely I thought to myself someone would know where he was. The fair was in (_______) Indiana but I don't know the name of it. It was just a thing that happened. We only slept together one time. and then I called the next day and he was gone. So I am just as confused as everyone else.

Thank you again for letting me see them, and I hope that is was better than you expected. And send my thank you to (Hubby) also. It was very appreciative. (Biomom)
So now the visit is done. The kids seem none the worse for wear. The horrible timing was apparently God's plan as starting school the next day seemed to provide a major distraction to Kitty. While she is continuing to have meltdowns, it does not appear to be related to Biomom's visit.
I'm not sure about blog etiquette. Should I not post pictures of biomom? I can crop her out or remove the pictures later.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I'm so glad you've all survived.