This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Biomom's response

Dear Mary,

First I would like to say thank you for being so honest with me. This is the first time in four years that anyone has spoken honeslty to me regarding the children. I was not aware of the issues that the children were facing. I always thought the reason I couldn't have any contact with them was because of the terrible person I was protrayed to be. However, I knew in my own heart, that what I did was the right thing to do for my children.

I can assure you that I am well aware that the children are in a place that is loving and caring. The home you have provided for them is where they belong. I am not afraid to let the children know this .

Mary, I would like to let you know that I couldn't imagine how difficult this decision must be for you. I do realize that you have a great deal of love for the children and only want what is best for them. As I do.

Now I am going to be honest with you as you have been with me. I do believe that keeping this visit from Kitty could have damaging affects on your relationship with her, also canceling could do the same with Bear.. I do not want you to think I am saying this because I want to see them, but because this is what I see may happen. My thoughts are that keeping this visit from Kitty could possibly cause her to feel anger and resent you and your husband for not letting her see me.
It is my hope that if we all work together, that we can give Kitty the closure that she so despertly needs. I am willing to do everything in my power to make sure this visit goes as smoothly as possible. I can assure you that the things that you are asking of me will be honored. I am telling you this not only because you are asking me but because it is the truth, from the bottom of my heart.
I would also like to add that while she was in my care, she was never placed in any type of hospital settings.
My flight from (our town) does not leave until 6:30p.m. therefore, it would be possible to arrange another visit possibly with Kitty, if you see fit.
Mary, once again, I want to tell you how greatful I am that you have opened your home and your heart to my children. You are a wonderful mother.

Second e-mail:
Dear Mary,
This is another thing I forgot to add, I will not BLAME the children for this, I will not put the BLAME on anyone. I know how this could damage both of them and I all I want is for the to succeed with life.


Torina said...

Wow. Sounds like she has been reading your blog, doesn't it?

Kelly said...

She does sound like she will cooperate and may be able and willing to help bring some closure. The only thing that seems strange is that she pointed out that Kitty was never hospitalized when in her care. Seems weird that she felt the need to point that out like she has nothing to do with her needing such intense treatment. Hum.

Lisa said...

Hey Squeak!
I agree with Torina and Kelly. She does sound better than I would've ever thought.

marythemom said...


I did mention in my letter that I was under the impression that Kitty had been hospitalized twice, this was based on info related to me by Kitty. The more I reflect on it, the more I think that the second time was when Kitty entered foster care or was early on in that process. She may not have realized that biomom was not involved. Of course there were some things she said that were total fabrications so this could just be more of trying to make herself look good.

I wish Kitty were in a better emotional place so I could believe she might get something out of this. The only good thing is that her honeymoon will most likely be short or non-existant at public school and she will be more likely to be kept out of mainstream classes (although that looks extremely likely as it is).