This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

It didn't work!

My neon tie dye outfit appears to have cursed me instead of keeping me from having to go to schools! Today I had to:

  1. Take Ponito his pillow (they're having a day of just reading) and his backpack.

  2. Send Bob a bunch of photos of the kids in the family that she'd asked for yesterday, but I forgot didn't have time to send them. I assumed since she didn't say anything all evening (she'd called me during school and I apologized but told her I was taking Kitty to the doctor so couldn't send them), that she'd found an alternative. Instead Hubby calls me after dropping her off at school this morning to say she still needs them! *aargh!* I know technically this doesn't count because I didn't have to go to school, but it took quite some time and in a less techy world I would have had to go instead of using e-mail.

  3. Kitty forgot her glasses. I seriously debated pulling out the neon tie dye (or something even cooler), but decided this was technically the first time she's forgotten them this year (of course she's only had them about a week). Plus, meds she has to come to me for, but glasses can just be left at the front desk for delivery.

  4. Bear was out of his midday meds so I had to restock the nurse. Before I could get there I got a call from him asking to bring him some Benadryl.

Backstory: Yesterday, Bear showed me an itchy rash that he said he'd had for about a day and a half. He takes two meds that can cause a fatal rash so I figured better safe than sorry and called the on-call psychiatrist and described the rash. The pdoc said it didn't sound like THE rash, and Bear hasn't had a med change in either med in quite awhile, but to go ahead and reduce Bear's Lamictal and give him Benadryl. Next morning Bear didn't mention it so I forgot about it until his call.

So while I'm giving Bear Benadryl and giving the nurse the med refills, I ask the nurse to glance at his rash (so I don't have to pay $95 to take him to the pdoc). She states that I need to take Bear to the doctor now (in case it's contagious). So I make an appointment for 1pm with the new clinic that I took Kitty to the day before. It's only 11:30am so I have plenty of time to fill out the new patient paperwork I'd picked up the day before.

Bear loudly states he doesn't need to see the doctor. He insists the rash is nothing and even if it is the fatal rash, it's more important that he see his new girlfriend than whether or not he dies. He wants to go back to school now! He says this stuff so many times that I finally quit trying to reason with him and just tell him, "Bear, saying it loudly and often does not make it so, but feel free to continue repeating it. I'm done arguing about it."

I got the joyous privilege of telling him his new gf cannot come over after school to help him study math (he asked me straight out). Then I got to tell him it's mostly because he's failing several classes (including math) and that, "They shouldn't be sitting and watching a movie in PE. They should be up and moving," is NOT a valid excuse for walking out of PE class. Being tardy 3-4 times a week is ridiculous, and skipping ROTC because, "I'm just not going to deal with the Colonel," is unacceptable, despite the fact that the school obviously doesn't care or he'd have some consequences.

Let's just say that this did not go over well, and leave it at that (wish I could have!).

So today,

  • Bear hasn't slept well for weeks (was going to try increasing his sleep med, but didn't want to muck with his meds in the middle of this rash mess),

  • was on a decreased dose of one of his major mood stabilizers,

  • was angry about getting busted for eating a dozen sugar cookies in the middle of the night,

  • finally realized we were not going to lighten up on nixing the afterschool activities - even real tutoring by his math teacher (I told him that's what study skills class is for since he's in all applied classes so doesn't really have homework),

  • just learned we were not going to allow his girlfriend to come over, we're holding him accountable for what was happening at school (since the school obviously isn't doing anything about it)

  • was nervous about the rash (despite the macho cr@p about not caring if he dies),

  • had to help me fill out all the new patient forms which ask tons of nosy questions about birth family and his birth (which I'm sure triggered some issues for him)

  • a little upset because Grandma witnessed part of his hissy fit because she was in the neighborhood doing portraits for the classes of her elementary age grandkids (including Ponito) and decided to hang out at our house before picking up the kids after school instead of going all the way home and coming back

  • he had to wait at the doctor's office because the Nurse Practitioner didn't feel comfortable diagnosing the rash herself, because she wasn't very familiar with the meds he's on

  • had to expose some skin to the cute nurse and the female doctor (his belly and lower back - he refused to show them his chest, and refused to show the doctor his belly). Did I mention he has this thing about not exposing his body? He wears underwear, gym shorts and 1-2 pairs of shorts or jeans on EVERY day. The shorts must come below his knees. Recently he's started buckling his jeans 1/2 way down his hiney. Since his gymshorts are red, we (gently) tease him that he looks like a red butted baboon. He wears an undershirt (wife beater), underarmor (it's a very tight military undershirt), 1-2 t-shirts (or a t-shirt or two and a button up). This is TEXAS people! Today it got into the 90s. He once had a doctor's appointment checking for a hernia and he refused to take off his underwear and gym shorts (he did take off his outermost pair of shorts). Best part is? I don't think he washes any of them, but the body odor seems to be trapped in the inner layers. Not sure if this is a sexual abuse issue, a control issue, or the fact that he's embarrassed by his man boobs and stretch marks (he hit puberty HARD and young and by age 11 was over 200lbs). I have seen his bare torso and I could see body image being an issue.

  • had to wait almost 2 hours at the doctor's office and he knew if it got too late I wouldn't bother taking him back to school

  • We were stuck in close proximity for longer than we have been in a long time and I refused to be intimidated by him and wasn't in a great mood so I called him on a lot of his cr@p.

After I dropped him off at school (he had a little over an hour left), I went by the school counselor's office to check on the results of his TAKS tests (to see if he'd hidden them). They won't be coming out until report cards do so we won't know if he qualifies for Summer School until too late. I can sign him up anyway, but he's made it crystal clear that if he doesn't want to go to Summer school you can't make him. I ended up venting for over an hour (poor thing). Maybe she'll pass on the fact that Bear needs some consequences to the Assistant Principal because I'm tired of talking to him and having nothing happen.

I then vented to poor Hubby. I hate confrontation and people being upset and Bear can really push those buttons.

Hubby listened and later called me back asking if I thought we were handling things with Bear the right way. Maybe we should lighten up on him? I told him we definitely need to do something about this, but I'm not sure what. I need to go to bed, so I'll tell you what happened next on the morrow.


GB's Mom said...

Thinking of you {{{Hugs}}} said...

may you have nice ( read calm/regulated) weekend.

Jessica Lynn said...

wow I am so sorry you had such a rough day! Hoping your weekend is peaceful! HUGS!