This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, May 14, 2010

A rash decision

Me as the Queen of Hearts at Bob's Alice in Wonderland tea party birthday.
Bear's rash turned out to be Poison Oak. The doc said poison ivy, but Bear claims he's very allergic to poison ivy so that can't be it. He's taking a mild steroid, continuing to take Benadryl and putting an antibiotic cream on it. She said one spot looked like it was on the verge of getting a staff infection.

I ran by the school to drop off some paperwork I need filled out so Bear can go to a new psychiatrist (that takes Medicaid). I also wanted to complain about the fact that Bear has received no consequences for all the classes he's been tardy to or skipped entirely. The assistant principal (AP) was in a meeting, Bear's casemanager was unavailable. Mr. P an aide in the behavior program had a few minutes.

Just like the counselor yesterday, Mr. P. didn't directly criticise the AP for not giving Bear detention as he'd said he would. He too said he would pass the info along to the AP that Bear needed consequences for his attendance issues.

Mr. P and I were talking about the skipped classes and he told me that on Monday when it was discovered that Bear was not in class, Mr. P searched the school and didn't find Bear. He assumed Bear was with the latest kleenex girl in her car. So he got in his golf cart and drove around the school parking lot, looking in all the cars that looked like hers. He didn't find them, but assumed they'd parked across the street in the YMCA or church parking lot.

About then Bear walked up all sweaty. Mr. P asked him where he'd been and Bear lied. Mr. P told Bear he wanted the truth and he wasn't going to do anything about it. He just wanted the truth. Bear said he'd been out walking around. Mr. P assumes this was mostly a lie too, but thought maybe Bear had walked... across the street to Kleenex Girl's car and spent the time with her there. (She had to be back at school by the last period for In-School-Suspension (ISS).

I actually have another theory. The area around the church across the street from the school is wooded. Bear has poison oak on areas of his body that are not normally exposed (he was wearing jeans and always has his multiple layers of shirts)... so how did he get poison oak on his calves, thighs, lower back and belly (as though his shirts were pulled up a little)?

Hubby wants to confront him.* I don't see much point in this. Plus, I want him to hold off, because I'd like to see if I can get Bear to give me the number for Kleenex Girl's mom. I want to know if Kleenex Girl has Poison Oak too. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A GRANDMA!

More and more frequently Hubby and Bear are getting into arguments. It's starts with Hubby correcting Bear for something, then Bear gets defensive and lies. Which frustrates Hubby (he hates lies). Hubby tries to get Bear to admit the truth. This of course doesn't work, and they both get louder (Hubby doesn't yell. He will raise his voice though. Yes there is a difference!). Bear tries to distract, deflect and defend, and dissociate. Hubby keeps at him.

It bothers all the kids. They remember before Bear went to residential treatment where these arguments escalated to violence (on Bear's part not Hubby). Kitty especially is really getting upset.


GB's Mom said...

You DON'T want to be a grandma! Maybe you could get Hubby to back off so the other kids feel safer.Maybe Bear needs a more restrictive placement, where he can't whatever during school hours!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

I remember when one of our teen girls cam home with a rash in the shape of a HANDPRINT on her belly/lower ribcage area. Hmmmmmm. She had NO idea where it came from....LOL said...

sounds like you need to talk to the other mama, perhaps the school would contact her on your behalf and share your number with her and then she could call you.
Oh my is all I have to say... I am sure that the poison oak just climbed right into all those layers of clothes all on it's own - lol.

marythemom said...

GB's Mom: Truthfully Bear would do a lot better in a more restrictive placement, but he manages to fly under the radar and manipulate everyone enough that he doesn't "qualify." We can't afford to place him somewhere on our own.

Mama Dramax2 - LOL!

J. - I asked Bear for the other mom's number (and told him GF couldn't come over until I talked to the mom), but after Hubby confronted him, Bear got wise and said he wasn't going to give it to me. He's finally noticed that most of his gf's break up with him after I talk to their moms.

The school has 3,000 kids and barely does what it required of them. They would not consider matching up parents part of their duties. I wish they would though.


Jessica Lynn said...

Could you look the other mom up online or something? I don't know! Gosh that is scary! I'm terrified of that situation too! Shew!

Mom 4 Kids said...

Yikes! You need to talk to the other Mama for sure!

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Are Bear's phone calls to the Kleenex girl done via cell phone or house phone. I know you can get numbers through the cell providers. Vonage, if you have that, also gives you the numbers dialed and received. Just a thought.

marythemom said...

Bear's calls are through the home phone because he can't be trusted with a cell phone. He's probably calling the girl's cell phone so calling the number wouldn't do me much good. However, he did give me the number to the mom's cell phone. I haven't had a chance to call it yet (don't want to call too late or during work hours).

Smart boy said he didn't want to give it to me because girls always break up with him after their mamas talk to me. Hmmm! What to do? Do I give her the real scoop on Bear knowing the mom will most likely suggest the girl break up with him, knowing he'll never trust me again, or do I just ask her if her daughter has poison oak and only give info if she does have it? Decisions, decisions...