This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Resuming detective work

Time to start searching again. Picked Bear up after school on Thursday. I'd let him stay after for 10 minutes to take an oral final exam in ROTC that he'd missed because of his ARD on Tuesday. When he got in the car he REEKED of tobacco chew/dip.
I didn't become a RAD mom yesterday so I waited till we got out of the car and I was walking ahead of him into the grocery store to ask, "So how long ago did you start using tobacco again?" And he answered! It was mumbled, but I think he said about a few months ago.
The rest of the grocery trip he started back peddling, and saying something about a crunch bar looking the same as tobacco (No idea what he was talking about). I just said, "I didn't see the tobacco on you, and you already admitted to it so just let this drop." When he kept going, I finally said "Bear, I'm not going to do anything about this, so quit trying to deny it and let it drop."
When Hubby talked to him about it, Bear said it was only one time and that I heard him wrong. Yea right.
Bear still reeks of tobacco, which makes me think there's a possibility that he really wasn't doing it for long before or I would have smelled him sooner. I searched his room, but found nothing much. Hubby refused to search his person and bag he had with him. *sigh*
So do I not let him do anything to earn money this Summer (not that he apparently needs money to buy tobacco since we don't give him any money now and he apparently has a never ending supply of candy, soda, and tobacco).
Do I keep him under line of sight supervision?
Do I make him view those pictures and films of people with mouth cancer? Obviously he's seen them before and it hasn't had any effect.
Do we punish him for this?
Do we ignore it?
Do we just chalk it up to one more reason not to trust him and continue as we have been?
I have absolutely NO idea what I'm going to do with him this Summer.
Did I mention school is officially out and we are now on Summer vacation?!! *eek*


GB's Mom said...

This may not be a battle you wish to fight right now. I have read several studies that have linked prenatal smoke exposure to getting addicted to tobacco. You have so many fronts to battle at this time, that it might be wise to let the tobacco go!

Anonymous said...

Does tobacco interfere with any of his meds? If not, I'd lay ground rules -- absolutley no use in the house or car ...
But, hmmm, I might worry more about his using a lighter than his using tobacco. So maybe his chewing (compared to smoking) is a good choice right now ...
My eldest has smoked off-and-on since he was 16, maybe younger. He watched his grandmother die of smoke-related illnesses. He knows his aunt and grandfather did, too. I didn't think there was anything I could say or do that was more powerful, so I mostly said nothing. (Except an occasional scold when there were butts out where the little boys play).

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FosterAbba said...

Casually show him the obligatory pictures of mouth cancer and then let it drop.

As long as he's not spitting all over the house, consider yourself lucky.

Of course if he gets busted as a minor with possession of tobacco, don't bail him out, either.

marythemom said...

He's got such an addictive brain it makes me crazy. I don't think he's particularly addicted to one thing or another (he seems to drop them quickly enough), but he always seems to have to have something in his mouth and/or hands(sweets, cigarettes, tobacco, caffeine, marijuana, chewed on plastic...).

I have no idea which if any of these effect his meds, especially since we don't know when he's doing them, or anything else, because he keeps it all secret from us. Mood swings could be biological/chemical, some form of substance abuse, because he spoke to birth family, broke up with a Kleenex girl, didn't sleep, is not taking his meds as prescribed...

I've stopped searching his room. I just make sure he is NEVER unsupervised. It's making him crazy.

Mary in TX